There are a lot of things in this life that we are in
complete control of; our jobs, our friends, the clothes you choose to wear,
even the people you love.
But then there are things you certainly can’t control.
To an extent you do have control over a portion of your
health, but certain people have a predisposition to health issues, and there’s
nothing you can do about it.
For me, personally, I don’t think there is a more helpless
feeling then going to see a doctor…any doctor. This past week I got to visit
two, one for my biannual bus driver physical and one for my annual eye exam.
Physical Exam
I made the best out of the first visit by scheduling my
physical with the new P.A. in Red Lake Falls who happens to be a little easier
on the eyes than our 60+ year old family doctor, let’s call him Orvis.
I was first brought back to hit the scale, measuring tape,
and the thing I feared the most…the eye exam.
The last physical I had, I just about failed the eye exam
(to the State’s standards…fascists) but was able to just barely make it through
without a new restriction on my license…but two years had passed, and I was
worried.
After some very fortunate guesses I was informed, after
being asked several times where my glasses were, that I had passed with 20/40
vision in each individual eye and 20/25 when the two were able to work
together. That’s about exactly where they were two years ago so I was feeling
pretty darn good!
The nurse finished up the rest of my vitals and then
informed me that the P.A. would be in shortly. It is probably worth mentioning
two quick things before we enter in the new character to this story:
1.
For a CDL physical you must submit to a UA test, which means my physical
began by me peeing in a cup.
2.
During my eye exam when I was obviously struggling to guess the letters
from a mile (or 20 feet) away, the P.A. walked by…
O.K. So we’re back! I’m chilling in my little exam room
(which was covered with Toy Story and princess characters), putting out the
vibe and in walks my medical professional. She introduces herself, I introduce
myself, and then:
P.A.:
What is going on with your eyes?!
Me:
It’s not like I’m blind! I can see when I have both eyes open and I have no
problem seeing when I’m driving or reading, it’s just that they don’t work so
good independently…
P.A.:
[Blank Stare]
Me:
I have astigmatism.
P.A.:
[Blank Stare]
Me:
I have glasses, I just ruined them cutting blocks while I was landscaping.
P.A.:
Don’t you think you should get some new ones?
Me:
I have an eye appointment tomorrow…they’re fine.
So,
yeah, my visit (and vibe) wasn’t how I had imagined it.
Later
we were discussing my business that my brother, sister, and I run and my game
is so good right now that I laid down this convo that she was undoubtedly
picking up…
PA:
How long have you been driving for VV?
Me:
Since I turned 18, maybe before…it’s a family business that we run so as soon
as I could drive I got my license.
PA:
Oh, so you’re the family that owns that? I don’t think I’ve tubed for 7 or 8
years. Do you do it all the time?
Me:
Honestly, no. We work a lot, six or seven days a week and you really need to
step away when you can to recharge your batteries.
[See
how I’m being honest and maybe even sounding somewhat professional…not too
shabby Ashby – on a side note I’m now going by the name “Barrett Ashby” as my
pen name, to protect the innocent, another one of our writers has chosen the
name Barry Allen…who is The Flash, for those of you who aren’t as into superheroes
as some of us]
PA:
So what do you do on your days off?
Ashby:
Nothing.
PA:
[Blank Stare]
Ashby:
Yeah…nothing. You spend so much time with people that you just need a little
break every now and then. I actually spend a lot of time in my basement
watching movies.
[Damn
I’m cool…I should have told her about all the video games I play too…if only
that were true]
PA:
Hmmm…
Her being somewhat new to town, she probably was looking for
some fun activities to do, but hanging out in my basement probably didn’t jump
to the top of her “Things to do in my life” list…or ever.
Needless to say, that pretty much ended the social
interaction of the visit, but as we were finishing up she quickly added: “Everything
checks out, and your pee looks good.”
Most people probably wouldn’t know what to say to such a
statement, but luckily I’m one twisted individual…
Ashby:
Why, thank you! It’s been a long time since someone paid me that compliment!
PA:
[Blank Stare]
Eye Exam
The eye exam, the next day, went great-ish. The way the exam
was going I was just waiting for the optometrist to tell me I’m legally blind…she
was a very stoic individual and not quite as much of a looker as the PA…but
they can’t all be such admirers of your pee.
It turns out that an actual eye doctor, that’s right clinics
that have been telling me I’m blind, said that my vision has actually improved
from two years ago!
You’re probably thinking, “20/40 is an improvement?!”
Well, no. But my OPTOMOTRIST said that one eye was 20/30 and
the other was 20/25! I’m practically Superman, which is better than the clinic
which had me believing I was Ray Charles.
She did make a point to say that she thought the glasses
were actually helping my brain to be more attentive and that may be causing my
better vision. She also strongly suggested that I keep wearing glasses…then
sent me out to purchase some from her…best salesperson ever.
The Moral
Really? There’s no moral, there’s a guy making an ass out of
himself and thinking he’s blind, then finding out that he’s not…this week’s
blog is more of a redemption story than anything. But if you can find some sort
of life lesson in there, good for you! If not, maybe you can see why we added “Banana
Daiquiris” to the title of the blog as well…
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