Tales from Garner Academy

Hey folks! Wow, it’s been a while. A lot has happened since my last post way back in August of 2014. Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn, John Snow rose from the dead, and Manny, the boys, and I are now Montanans. And then you have COVID-19. Holy smokes, it’s a crazy world!

I mean, this is weird. Life as we knew it has flipped upside down. When times are strange, I like to focus on the positive. So it only seems fitting to find the positives in this nutso situation. Hang on gang, we can do this!

Friday the 13^th (of March) marked the last “normal” day in the Garner household. The day started off like every other weekday, I dropped the boys (aka #1 & #2) off at school and Manny and I went to work like usual. There were rumors that things were going to shut down – and shut down soon. In my crazy brain I couldn’t comprehend the fact that schools and business were about to close their doors. Would this mean that I would now need to “teach” my kids with this new concept called distance learning? For anybody that knows me, knows that is laughable at best!

But here we are, one month in and we’ve officially opened Garner Academy. Turns out that it’s not that bad. That is, until your 3^rd grader’s math homework has you scrambling to figure out geometry. I mean, who can remember the difference between and acute and obtuse angle? (I'm the only one that can't remember? Ok, fine…) Thanks to Google I was able to help him muddle through that assignment.

Speaking of technology, we have this snazzy device called an Amazon Alexa. Turns out she’s great at fact checking homework answers. So great, in fact, that I’m quite certain that #1 was able to complete a lot of his work last week with her help while I was holed up in our home office trying to get my work done. Manny calls it cheating, I call it tutoring. Tomato, tomahto. #2 hasn’t quite caught on to the “Alexa helpdesk” concept, so there’s a silver lining. (Although, my guess is he isn’t too far behind his big brother in that department!)

Keeping it classy during my Zoom meetings

Another benefit of this shelter in place stuff is not having to get dressed in “actual” clothes. I knew there was a reason I have approximately 1,000 pairs of leggings and yoga pants (even though I don’t yoga). I haven’t wore pants with fasteners in weeks. My kids have been living in pj’s, and that’s ok. Less laundry is #winning at its best. I also don’t have to get myself ready to see anyone other than my immediate family. That is, unless I’ve got a video conference. But I’ve found a fun way around that too! (Side note: how awesome are my co-workers? They all joined in on my crazy fun with looks of their own!) 

Even my office mates can't escape the costumes

My home office also is Manny’s hunting gear storage facility. I’ve gained a bunch of new office mates. Turns out they’re not very talkative… but what they lack in conversation, they make up for in style. 

Just when being holed up at home was becoming stale, Manny found a way to jazz things up. Back in September Manny shot a rather large bull elk. The good news is we have enough elk meat to last us through the apocalypse. The bad other news? He brought the thing to the taxidermist. He was like a kid on Christmas when the guy called him to tell him it was ready. The dude even had to lend Manny his enclosed trailer to get the thing home because it wouldn’t fit in the bed of our truck. (You can probably see where this is going…) Needless to say, it took us all night to get the monster hung up on our wall. We’re officially accepting name suggestions. 

Introducing "the Beast"... and yes, that's me trying to hide from it!

Sure, our living room may look like a scene out of Tiger King, but Manny and the boys are pretty jazzed. Meanwhile, the dog and I are trying not to get alarmed every time we walk by it. We will be working on the Garner Bar & Grill while everything is closed, so once life returns to normal please come to Helena visit us! We may even set up a selfie station with the beast and provide commemorative photos for each visitor.

Do we all wish life could go back to normal? Heck. Yes. But sitting at home and moping about sitting at home isn’t going to get you very far. Plus, it’s giving all of us time to get caught up on finally cleaning out those closets, playing every board game we own, and watching Tiger King. (The details of which, could very easily generate enough content for its own post.)

Who knows, maybe this whole thing is Carole Baskin’s fault.

Stay healthy and sane, my friends!