ICE(d) IN THE TIME OF CORONA(virus)

What a strange and turbulent time we’re living in right now. People who have always hated their jobs are busy protesting at state capitals to open them back up so that they can get back to bitching about how they hate their job, only now with the added bonus of possibly transmitting a deadly virus. 

But really, I get the frustration. First and foremost, people are hurting. The Economy in general is tanking but on an individual level, we all have bills to pay and things that we need to survive that all cost money, money that we can’t make if our employer can’t operate. On top of that a lot of people are put into the position of helping their children navigate the new online learning environment which, as some have pointed out, has really shown parents that teachers may not be the problem. But it’s also added stress to families in a tough and unprecedented time. 

In short, everything about the time of Corona kind of sucks.

So, last week (maybe it was last month…what is time anymore?!) my brother was busy catching up on his Facebook, it had been several minutes since he last checked it, and discovered a video of people driving around “Icing” their neighbors. Now if you’re not familiar with “icing” it is the act of hiding a bottle of Smirnoff Ice malt liquor somewhere you know someone will find it and when they do, they have to get down on one knee and chug the whole thing. Now there are several other variations to the rules, but that’s the basics.

When we were in college we heard of people hiding them in the tank of toilets and then disconnecting the flush valve chain so that when you would take the tank cover off you would see the Ice and have to chug it. People are pretty creative with this little game.

Now these people in the video obviously weren’t partying at a house or even in large groups, because quite frankly that would be pretty damn stupid with everything that’s going on, but instead they were driving around, leaving Ice on doorsteps, ringing the bell and getting back in their cars to video it. Social Distance Icing…amazing. 

Ryan and I were bored. We had spent the day hanging out with two of the coolest kids around (my niece and nephew) and Ryan wanted to get out of the house. We weren’t drinking but honestly, we really have been missing our friends. Be it the ones we generally get together and play basketball with every Sunday, or the game night crowd or so many others that we just wanted to check in with so we figured, what the hell.

 We loaded up the twins (Ryan’s father of the year mug is in the mail), made a quick stop at the liquor store and we were off. 

Ryan’s definitely the more adventurous one when it comes to stuff like this, and I have to admit that I was a little apprehensive about the whole ordeal when we first started but we got to the first friend’s house and he took down the Ice like a champ and from a distance we were even able to chat with him for a little bit. At the next house our friends, a married couple, competed with the wife kicking her husband’s butt with nothing but smiles during the whole experience. We then stopped at a friend’s place who does daycare. She still had kids there but her husband was also home, so we set him up and as soon as we left the wife made us promise to come back to get her later! 

We hit several other friends until we finally ran out of Ice, and what we found was that something we all used to hate getting done to us was something that was now such a great excuse to share a few laughs over and even get to chat and check in with each other to make sure we were all doing alright. 

We have some friends who have some more severe medical conditions to consider during this time which we figured it would be best to avoid completely right now, but thanks to online platforms like Zoom and House Party, we are still able to check in with them and see how they’re doing. In fact, if you haven’t used those platforms to get together with friends, you’re missing out. We’ve gotten together with our college buddies on Zoom a couple of times here and last weekend, my buddy TJ and I decided to close down the party just like old times, via Zoom. The only difference was that when we were in college one of us would go use the bathroom and the other one would just kind of hang out at the booth until they got back but this time when I came back from using the facility TJ was filling his face with smoked pork butt in his kitchen. 

Covid-19, Coronavirus, has been a terrible thing for us as a country and for pretty much everyone on earth to have to go through, but I think it’s important that we remember that we’re in this together and although times are difficult we have to take advantage of all that is still good, even great that we still can. 

I miss my friends, I miss hanging out with them and having a few beers, or working on projects, or raising a ton of money for cancer research. It looks like it’ll be a while before we can do any of that again together, so in the meantime get yourself a case of Smirnoff Ice, go knock on a few of your friend’s doors and show them you’re still thinking of them. It’s not a hug, but in the time of corona, it’s what we’ve got.

Tales from Garner Academy

Hey folks! Wow, it’s been a while. A lot has happened since my last post way back in August of 2014. Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn, John Snow rose from the dead, and Manny, the boys, and I are now Montanans. And then you have COVID-19. Holy smokes, it’s a crazy world!

I mean, this is weird. Life as we knew it has flipped upside down. When times are strange, I like to focus on the positive. So it only seems fitting to find the positives in this nutso situation. Hang on gang, we can do this!

Friday the 13^th (of March) marked the last “normal” day in the Garner household. The day started off like every other weekday, I dropped the boys (aka #1 & #2) off at school and Manny and I went to work like usual. There were rumors that things were going to shut down – and shut down soon. In my crazy brain I couldn’t comprehend the fact that schools and business were about to close their doors. Would this mean that I would now need to “teach” my kids with this new concept called distance learning? For anybody that knows me, knows that is laughable at best!

But here we are, one month in and we’ve officially opened Garner Academy. Turns out that it’s not that bad. That is, until your 3^rd grader’s math homework has you scrambling to figure out geometry. I mean, who can remember the difference between and acute and obtuse angle? (I'm the only one that can't remember? Ok, fine…) Thanks to Google I was able to help him muddle through that assignment.

Speaking of technology, we have this snazzy device called an Amazon Alexa. Turns out she’s great at fact checking homework answers. So great, in fact, that I’m quite certain that #1 was able to complete a lot of his work last week with her help while I was holed up in our home office trying to get my work done. Manny calls it cheating, I call it tutoring. Tomato, tomahto. #2 hasn’t quite caught on to the “Alexa helpdesk” concept, so there’s a silver lining. (Although, my guess is he isn’t too far behind his big brother in that department!)

Keeping it classy during my Zoom meetings

Another benefit of this shelter in place stuff is not having to get dressed in “actual” clothes. I knew there was a reason I have approximately 1,000 pairs of leggings and yoga pants (even though I don’t yoga). I haven’t wore pants with fasteners in weeks. My kids have been living in pj’s, and that’s ok. Less laundry is #winning at its best. I also don’t have to get myself ready to see anyone other than my immediate family. That is, unless I’ve got a video conference. But I’ve found a fun way around that too! (Side note: how awesome are my co-workers? They all joined in on my crazy fun with looks of their own!) 

Even my office mates can't escape the costumes

My home office also is Manny’s hunting gear storage facility. I’ve gained a bunch of new office mates. Turns out they’re not very talkative… but what they lack in conversation, they make up for in style. 

Just when being holed up at home was becoming stale, Manny found a way to jazz things up. Back in September Manny shot a rather large bull elk. The good news is we have enough elk meat to last us through the apocalypse. The bad other news? He brought the thing to the taxidermist. He was like a kid on Christmas when the guy called him to tell him it was ready. The dude even had to lend Manny his enclosed trailer to get the thing home because it wouldn’t fit in the bed of our truck. (You can probably see where this is going…) Needless to say, it took us all night to get the monster hung up on our wall. We’re officially accepting name suggestions. 

Introducing "the Beast"... and yes, that's me trying to hide from it!

Sure, our living room may look like a scene out of Tiger King, but Manny and the boys are pretty jazzed. Meanwhile, the dog and I are trying not to get alarmed every time we walk by it. We will be working on the Garner Bar & Grill while everything is closed, so once life returns to normal please come to Helena visit us! We may even set up a selfie station with the beast and provide commemorative photos for each visitor.

Do we all wish life could go back to normal? Heck. Yes. But sitting at home and moping about sitting at home isn’t going to get you very far. Plus, it’s giving all of us time to get caught up on finally cleaning out those closets, playing every board game we own, and watching Tiger King. (The details of which, could very easily generate enough content for its own post.)

Who knows, maybe this whole thing is Carole Baskin’s fault.

Stay healthy and sane, my friends!

Unhinged and Uncreative

It’s been some time since I’ve attempted this so bear with me. Despite the advice from one of my favorite authors here my first post will undoubtedly be a little “unhinged.”

My last post on this little creative space we’ve set up was over four years ago and a lot has happened since then including my lack of positivity which unfortunately can certainly be attributed to many things but mostly, if there was one turning point, it would have to be the election of the narcissist-in-chief. Call me a snowflake, “libtard” or whatever else derogatory term he’s made so commonplace now but I honestly thought we as a country were better than what that man represents and for the longest time I felt that silence was better than really putting out there how I felt about situations that were arising due to the current leader of the free country. 

But the thing with creativity, at least for me, is that I feed off of what’s around me and for the past four years there has certainly been a greater negativity surrounding our country. People are tearing each other apart on social media due to their political views and posting so many false news articles that we as a country have begun to treat anything printed, as an untrue story. 

But the fact of the matter is that most major print publications are actually doing a pretty decent job right now. We tend to look at opinion news such as CNN, Fox News, and MSNBC as legitimate sources for information but they’re running a 24 hour “news” cycle which is based almost solely on varied opinions, and if you don’t hear what you want on a topic on one station you can simply change to the one that aligns with your views and you can share stories and articles from this opinion based news source as concrete facts to all of your friends.

I think some of us forgot the basics of reporting, and I’m not talking about the news cycle, I’m talking about way back when you were in school and worked on reports and had to cite your sources. Generally, you had to support your paper with at least three legitimate sources, and most of us nowadays seem to think that any and all sources are apparently legitimate, even if that source is “RuinALibsDay.org.” Do yourself and everyone else a favor, if you read a story that you want to be true so that you can share that your opinion is right and true, take 5 seconds to Google it and see what you come up with first.

Under Trump we have become meaner, less empathetic, and further divided, and I have lost some of the faith that I’ve always carried in this great country of ours. The thing I keep trying to remind myself is that even though he is our President, less than half of the people who actually voted, voted for him. And looking at the larger picture, only about 60% of registered voters in the country voted at all, so that means that less than 30% of our population wanted (want) this man as our President. But to listen to his loyal followers, or himself, you would think he won by a unanimous decision. Now I’m not disappointed in the people who voted for him, or the ones who continue to back him despite rants like his most recent about how he voted by mail for a Florida election but that mail voting is a terrible practice…I’m disappointed in the parties and the turds they’ve put forth for us to vote for in the first place. I’m disappointed that out of all the possible candidates somehow we elected one who makes America hate again. I’m disappointed because I used to be able to look around and see all of the good in this country and lately it’s hard to see through the hate.

When Trump was first elected the kids on my bus were pretty excited. Many of their parents had obviously supported him leading up to the election and they were taking their cues from them. I’ve always been really open with the kids and am more than willing to discuss with them serious issues if they want to, in this case I expressed my concerns with them about how I felt like he may set a bad example for them and change the opinion of many people around the world as to who we are as a people. It took about two weeks of him being President before some of these very enthusiastic, one day voters, started to see him for who he really is, but it has taken many others much longer.

I hate that my return to blogging is a political post, but to me it’s more of an airing of grievances, an explanation as to why it’s taken me four years to get back behind the keyboard and start to think creatively again. I promise that future posts will be dedicated to seeing the positive in this world, which I’m getting better at each day here, but for now I just need you all to trust the process as they say. 

I am glad to be back writing again, and I know there are so many great days ahead for BD&LL as well as our country despite our current situation and the uncertainty that this pandemic has brought our way. 

I personally have been reading a ton, and in future posts will discuss some of the books and authors that have helped me to gain a better understanding about many of the issues that interest me and hopefully turn some of our readers onto some really great authors and books. 

Here's some Interesting Reads for you this week:

• Parents Are Not OK
• The Unique Sadness of Mourning the Musicians Who Helped Us Grieve
• Boredom is a Pit Stop

I’ve talked to some of our past contributors who are gearing up for the reprisal with Mike and I and hopefully we can get back to bringing you some laughs, food for thought, and just some positive things in a world that could really use more of that right now. Thanks for staying with us (and in this case me) during our hiatus and this unhinged first piece of mine, here’s to better days ahead!

Thanks for reading,

Jason

"Well, fuck...idk."

Well. This is certainly fucked up. 

I think we’re all about done with life lessons right now. We’re not cuz of nature. But personally, I’m sure we’re all pretty much done. I’m not good at false hope. I was trained in science after all. I don’t even have my usual sarcastic wit to hit you all with, it feels pretty flat lately. 

It’s all pretty visceral. Pretty real. Pretty shitty. So if I’m not good at hope. Here are some things I want.

1. Fuck your political party. And fuck you if you think that your political party identifies you or identifies with you. On the former, it should not, on the later, it doesn’t: the men, women, and everything beyond & between, don’t give a flying fuck about you. They are after power and we must treat them as such. Say their names. Clinton. Trump. Obama. Bush. Reagan. Carter. If that list is black & white, right & wrong, good & evil.. then the political game has been won. By them. You lost. 
2. Stop believing in conspiracy theories, pseudo science, unverifiable “evidence” and arguments. It’s true, facts don’t care about your feelings but where are you getting your facts? From a news agency that tells you the comfortable things you wanna hear that align with your already held beliefs? In fact, science hates facts - I still got some ironic humor eh? “Laws” and “facts” are tentatively held theories until they are proven otherwise. BUT THIS DOESN’T MEAN THEY ARE JUST THEORIES. They are our best translation of the truth - nature - and if you wanna knock a theory, you gotta show it. Newton was right until Einstein and then mostly still right - 318 years later. You got the goods for that playing field? Then STFU.
3. I love you. I seriously do. It’s true, I don’t like most people. But loving and liking are two completely different things to anyone who's lived through their teens and twenties. I wanna give the youth some credit, but some of you were out licking door knobs on spring break in Miami during this shit show, so I am not sorry and you’re wrong about so many things. I’m especially talking to you, 22 year old me.
4. I have every belief that we’re gonna get through this. But this one is gonna hurt. And my Hope - yes, hope - is that business won’t be as usual. You wanna live in a democracy? Then be a god damn citizen. Jury duty sucks. Voting sucks. Taking time to figure out the issues, read things, find credible information, all sucks. We’re spoiled, our parents were spoiled, their parents were probably spoiled. We all got the U.S. in the life lottery. Good for us. None of us have had to do much for it. In fact, we don’t like the idea of community or civic responsibility. Voting is the easiest damn thing there is compared to serving in the armed forces, being a refugee, a prisoner of war or politics, but most of us can’t be bothered with it. You wanna get out of jury duty cuz it sucks? Then don’t live here. You don’t wanna pay taxes? Then don’t live here. You don’t like how tax dollars are spent? Do your research AND GO FUCKING VOTE. Democracy is only as good as it’s populace. And we suck.
5. This is scary. If it’s not scary, you don’t have the current figures. You haven’t listened to doctors. And I’m struggling. But I also know that we can’t live in fear. That fear is the biggest thing to fear. Talk to your friends. Talk to your family members. All from a responsible social-distance. Find those things that connect you. The things that matter. Don’t be afraid to be real with them, don’t be afraid to share your feelings. Don’t be afraid. Time is a construct and even then, we never have any of it anyway.
6. I love you.

Goodnight. 

~Mikey