The Tipping War

An Argument Against the Practice of Tipping

I truly never thought that when I started to do a little “quick” research for this blog post that it would take me this long to actually put the thing together and get something written up, but after seeing this College Humor video I felt like it would be a good subject to talk about.

 

I started by posting the video to my facebook wall as well as on our Facebook page and asked what other people thought about the subject. I didn’t get the outpouring of comments that I would discover usually accompanied any post about eliminating tipping but I did get a few of my friends who work in the service industry to leave me some feedback as well as a patron who could see the benefits of discarding the tradition of tipping. 

 

EV: Interesting stuff. I don't care if ppl don't tip as bartending isn't my regular gig. Will I remember you and hold it against you? Yep. I also disagree with the Cornell study they reference. I get my biggest tips from ppl I take care of the most. While I try to treat everyone equal, Assholes-a-plenty can make this difficult on busy nights. Raising prices isn't an easy answer. Just gives the masses something different to complain about...my .02 cents.

CN: It's a novel concept, but one that would take years and lots of money to change. Small businesses (non-chain establishments) would be the first to feel it, so the backlash would be a pr nightmare. There's a restaurant in New York (?) that just banned tipping because they gave their employees a livable salary + benefits, but that causes the owners to increase the price of everything, which is a risk.

LB: Hmmmm. Interesting I am not sure how I feel about this. I feel one of draws of serving is the potential of earning more than minimum wage. Especially in a small town at least in my experience you take care of the people they take care of you. It's my part time gig, but I wouldn't do it for straight minimum wage.

AH: I think it makes sense! I know many times I may have under-tipped just because my friends and I would base it off of how many little bills we had in our wallets.

 

My biggest discovery through my research is that the tipping war has become one between the consumer and the server, and the owner or franchisee is almost always left out of the argument. Most responses went something to this effect:

Server: “I work my butt off serving going above and beyond my job description and I often receive $0 checks because my salary doesn’t cover the amount I have to pay in taxes on the amount I make in tips. If you can’t afford to tip, then stay home. If you don’t tip me well, expect bad service…etc.”

Patron: “I don’t think that I should have to tip in addition to what I’m paying for my meal. I put forth good money to enjoy the service of eating out and being served is part of that service so I don’t think I should have to tip more money than what I’m already paying. If servers don’t like their jobs, than they should work harder, get a better education and move into a job that pays better!”

This is just a basic compilation of some of the arguments on both sides, but the crazy thing is that for some reason most of the Patrons are arguing against the servers and the servers against the patrons. The fact of the matter is that the FEDERAL minimum wage for tipped employees is set at $2.13/hour…FEDERAL! As with other occupations, employers have to pay whatever is higher, the Federal or State wage so you do have states, such as Minnesota, that pay their tipped employees the same minimum wage that other entry level employment positions get paid. And that kind of leads me into a response to one of the largest arguments…

Restaurant owners couldn’t afford to pay greater wages to their employees because than they would have to raise prices and most patrons would not be able to afford to go out to eat!

I probably spent the greatest amount of time trying to discredit this argument. Almost always, people would reference that the profit margin for most restaurants is a measly 2%, and although that may be true for some restaurants, that figure is an average nationwide…which also includes all of the restaurants that don’t make it. So one restaurant may be making a profit margin of 40%, 6 others offset that by losing money and closing their doors, and unfortunately it is true that restaurants close every day, it could be from poor management, poor marketing or location, or even bad or not well trained staff. It happens…in every business, not just the restaurant business.

But my main question here was, “how do restaurants handle the change in minimum wage per state? How can it have such a huge impact on the profit margin yet we still have restaurants in states the pay the minimum wage? My obvious answer was that restaurants inflate their prices where they have to pay their employees more, which makes sense considering that you need to offset costs through the price of your products…but then I saw an Applebee’s commercial and saw that their 2 for $20 menu was back…and I thought to myself, well how the heck can a national brand like Applebee’s run a commercial like that? Their restaurants are franchised so each owner, depending on their state and the other expenses they face must be able to set their own prices, right? If they can’t and the prices are set by corporate, how the heck do they survive?

I guess the answer is that the 2% profit margin may just be a bit of bullshit.

Sure the states that get to pay their employees less will have a greater profit margin but the other states must still be doing alright for themselves in order to keep their doors open and their employees employed. Upon further research I discovered that the actual profit margin for most restaurants (those that make it) is probably closer to the 10-12% figure, in large part, thanks to lobbyists…

$0 Checks

I know it stinks when you bust your butt working for someone and then when your pay period ends you receive a check for $0 or you may even end up having to pay in. It has to suck, but it's not really an argument for why people need to tip more. I'm sorry, but everyone who works for a living has to pay taxes, it's just how things work, and when you get a $0 check, it doesn't mean that you worked for free...it means that you made so much money in tips that your measly wage that you are being paid by your employer has all gone to paying the taxes associated with the amount of money you made.

I'm not happy with the amount taken out by the government each pay check that I receive either, but for my current jobs I'm paid a fair wage by my employer and when the taxes are taken out I still have enough to pay my bills so I keep my current positions. If I wouldn't make enough, then it would be time to find different employment, it's not rocket science...it's life.

I may be willing to bet that if servers actually claimed every tip that they made, they might have to pay in quite a bit more than their $2.13/hour pay check as well. Another perk of this type of employment is cash tips...and cash is pretty hard to tax if you don't claim it.

HOW THE HELL CAN FEDERAL MINIMUM WAGE ONLY BE $2.13 FOR TIPPED EMPLOYEES?!

It turns out that way back in 1991 (which doesn’t seem that far back to me), restaurant lobbyist convinced congress that there should be a different minimum wage for tipped employees…how did they do this, why the same way everything else is done in congress, by buying politicians votes. Who could afford to pay to get something like that done?! Poor restaurant owners who were trying to scrap by on the crumbs of a 2% profit margin…sound fishy to you?

Here’s the kicker…The Federal minimum wage was $3.80/hour in 1990 and was raised to $4,25 an hour starting April 1^st, 1991. The Federal minimum wage today is $7.25/hour with talks of an increase up to $10.10/hour…but the tipped minimum wage has remained at $2.13 since 1991. Let’s say we get to that $10.10 point by 2016, that would mean that in 15 years we have seen an increase in the minimum wage for most employees of 137%...which may be wrong since it’s been quite some time since I’ve had to use math…but in that same time frame, the tipped minimum wage will not have changed at all.

The law states that if tipped employees do not make the minimum wage when their salary and tips are combined than the employer must make up the difference, which of course is a terrible system as you put it, once again, back on the employee to bring this to their employer’s attention. If you take the time to read some of the other links I provide at the end of this post, and read the comments left by people in the service industry on those posts, you’ll hear horror stories of how employers have even been known to skue the amount employees made in tips in order to not have to pay them the additional funds…you’ll also see that most tipped employees, despite what their base salary is, make far more than most if not all entry level positions once you figure in their tips.

SO WHY ARE WE ARGUING OVER THIS?

When it comes right down to it, my personal belief is centered on the fact that big business (restaurants) are geniuses. Not only have they locked in their minimal ways of paying employees with the federal government, they’ve turned over their responsibility of paying those employees to the people who are using their service. If a server doesn’t make the amount they think they deserve, they aren’t upset with their employer, they’re upset with the customer.

And honestly, how could they be upset with their employer? I don’t think I’ve ever taken a job without knowing what I’d be getting paid in advance and the same goes for servers. They’re told what their base salary will be and are aware of the fact that they are mostly paid by the consumer through tips.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT EMPLOYEES WHO WORK FOR TIPS?

I get that if you have employees work for tips, than you can pay them less and consequently rake in more money yourself, but what are the negatives associated with this practice?

Pilferage. First of all, count on pilferage. If you tell someone that you’re going to pay them right next to nothing to do a job for you, but someone else tells them that if they give them a little extra kick in their drink or some additional food than they will tip them handsomely, than how do you prevent them from taking from the person who’s giving them nothing and giving to the person that has offered to give them extra?

The number one problem that restaurants deal with is pilferage, and as stated above, how could it not be? If employers went out of their way to pay their employees what they're worth, and outlawed the tipping practice than why would employees pilfer? If they knew that giving someone an extra shot of alcohol in their drink wasn't going to lead to more money for them, than why would they risk doing it? A better question may be, why haven't restaurants gone this way if pilferage costs them so much? I think a good reason may be that they save more money in employee costs than the costs associated with pilferage. The attempt to stop this in restaurants/bars is a prime example of having your cake and eating it too. More profits for the restaurants and less loss is definitely to their benefit, but apparently increasing the wage of their employees doesn't really cross their minds as they try to find a solution to this particular problem.

Off Days. What happens when you have a tired employee? Say this employee has been a blockbuster for a couple of days and has made pretty darn good money in tips, but last night they went out and just don’t feel like working today. They may lower their performance simply because they don’t really care to be there and know they’ve already made a lot of money for the week.

Company Image. This kind of goes along with the last item, but what kind of employees do you want representing your business? How demanding can you be of an employee you only pay $2.13 to do their job? It is a staple in the customer service business that the customer pays your wages, not just for tipped employees but for anyone in customer service at all. People get to decide where to spend their money and if your service isn’t good they will go somewhere else and spend their money. If they go somewhere else, that translates into less money for the owners of the operation and also less hours for the employees and possible closure of the establishment.

If you want to have employees that represent what you want your business to stand for than you have to compensate them for the job. If you rely on someone else to compensate them (through tips), than expect them to portray the image that gets them paid the most, which more than likely won’t be the standards that you set.

Have you seen the movie "Waiting?" Quite frankly it is a disgusting portrayal of the restaurant business and many of the people I have known who have worked in the industry have said that it's actually a pretty accurate movie for some of the places they have worked. If you haven't seen it, it may be worth a watch just so you can see why they say, don't mess with people who prepare your food. When people work for the customer and the customer pisses them off, it isn't a good thing. These things may happen no matter the wage set for servers because we've all seen how terrible some people treat others but maybe we could have better behaved patrons and servers if owners paid their employees more and management was given more of a green light to refuse service to patrons who lack respect for restaurant employees.

CONCLUSION

We all get an opinion on everything, that’s what makes this country so great and in the same sense, tough to live in! But when it comes to tipping I think we really need to consider what it is, a way for employers to get away with paying their employees less which translates into higher profit margins for the company. A better bottom line, regardless of other arguments. The restaurant industry is a multi-billion dollar industry which employs a giant portion of working individuals, but like many industries it is just another business with the same risks/reward possibilities that others face but are protected towards better profits because of a loop hole which allows them not to pay a livable wage to their employees. They’re smart, though, turning the debate away from them and towards the consumer/server relationship.

I hope in the future we see a change in this system and employees are paid what they are worth by their employer. I, personally love to tip for great service because I like to reward people who do their job above the call of duty, but when you consider the markup on food and drinks at all restaurants, you start to question why you’re paying double for the single service you’re receiving. The best thing that restaurants do is when they automatically add on a certain percentage tip for larger groups. Servers and patrons alike see it as a way to ensure that the server doesn’t get “stiffed” by the patrons, but really it’s just a way for the employer to ensure that the employee is getting paid by the patron, not them. The industry has done one hell of a job pulling the wool over all of our eyes, and hopefully someday we can do something about it.

WHY AM I QUALIFIED TO MAKE THESE ARGUMENTS?

For one, I’m a writer who adds another heading after his conclusion heading, so I must be better at something other than writing, right?

But more importantly I had a serious three month stand in the industry. For the most part I washed dishes but one day I was given my big break to attempt serving!

I got to serve exactly one table.

At that table I took their drink and food orders right away as they came in knowing what they’d like as they were regulars. There were five patrons who all ordered a pop as well as a water and then their food order. I filled the glasses with the appropriate beverages, loaded them on my tray, brought them over to their table, and then proceeded to spill the entire tray on all them.

They were absolutely soaked but fantastic about the whole situation. I was obviously very embarrassed and apologetic but they were unreal. They said that it wasn’t a big deal at all, and allowed me to continue to serve them the rest of the time, all while sitting there in their soaking wet clothes! They even left me a really good tip, I remember because it was the first and last table that I ever got to serve. After that it was back to washing dishes until I decided the restaurant business wasn’t for me.

But that’s not really where my restaurant story ends. I actually, somewhere along the line, started to love to deal with people and for a long time felt like running a restaurant would be something I would be interested in so when I had exhausted most other majors in college (I think I had gone through about 6) I decided to get my degree in what used to be known as Hotel & Restaurant Management which has now taken on a broader scope to include the entire service industry and is now known as Hospitality Management.

I have yet to re-enter the restaurant business but have strongly been once again contemplating it and felt like the issue of tipping may be something that would be worth doing some research on. The links below will lead you to several other great articles and facts about tipping and the restaurant business in general so I hope you check them out! But I started this blog with a video and I’d also like to end it with one. This is a TED Talk given in Canada from an individual who has worked in the Restaurant industry his entire life and has some fantastic information and suggestions about tipping. If you don’t check out the other links, at least give this video a watch. It’ll cost you 20 minutes of your life but the gratuity is already included!

 

Searching for the Life Lesson?

How about, don’t judge a book by its cover? When we talk about tipping it becomes too cut and dry of a topic, there aren’t tippers and non-tippers and those are the sides, both are really fighting against the establishment…they just don’t realize it a lot of the time.

 

A Few More Articles for Your Reading Enjoyment.

(Make sure to read all of the comments to really get a feel for how the battle has become one between Servers and Patrons rather than against the Restaurant Owners)

 

Tipping and Service Quality Article

 

Forbes Articles on the profit margins of restaurants

 

 

Wikipedia article

 

Stuart Scott

I hadn’t really thought about it for quite some time, I remember watching the touching tribute during the ESPY’s and I remember being very moved by the Jimmy V award winner’s speech, but Stuart Scott was a young man, a person who was always there and would undoubtedly win his battle with cancer. I didn’t really think too much more about it…until the morning of January 4^th, 2015.

My dad and I were just preparing to leave my sister’s place in the cities to begin our journey back home after a nice vacation together. I had just stepped back in from outside when my sister told me the news, Stuart Scott had died. It was a weird feeling that came over me and I think I shared with the others in the room, we didn’t know Scott, but in a way we did…and we were all going to be sad that he was no longer with us.

I went to the gym when I got home to play some basketball and spoke with one of my great friends about this legendary ESPN anchor. He said that he had seen the announcement and that he had actually shed a tear (I certainly had as well). He put the sentiment of many in a good perspective, he said, “You know it’s kind of strange, I didn’t know the guy at all but he’s been a part of my life for like the last fifteen years. I don’t really know who he was as a person, but every single day I would listen to Stuart Scott for one program or another.”

It’s crazy how a personality you know no other way than through a program you watch can have such an impact on your life. But if you have seen any of the coverage since his passing, you can see that it may not be the same for every television figure that you run across, that some people just possess that quality no matter where you find them, and that Stuart Scott, by all accounts…was special.

I was saddened by the loss in a lot of the same ways that my friend was, but until last year’s ESPY’s…that was the only thing I knew about Stuart Scott. I wasn’t aware that he had been fighting the same battle my mom had once fought and I wasn’t aware that there was more to this person other than his dynamic personality that truly shone through his television persona. But then I watched the ESPY’s and saw a glimpse at this man’s battle and also who he was as an individual.

 

Then I heard him talk about his battle…

 

And I saw the essence of The V Foundation once again personified, as I had seen through Jim Valvano and I had seen through my mom’s battle. The will to not give up, to keep fighting as hard as they could right until the end because life truly is worth fighting for. I was moved by this man and how he was not just fighting this disease, but how he was living his life. He was not letting the disease define him, but was living with cancer.

I spent a great deal of last night watching tribute videos of Scott as well as re-watching these videos from the ESPY’s…and I cried. I watched more this morning that were televised through ESPN, videos of his co-workers and friends talking about the impact he had on their profession, the sports world, and most importantly, their lives.

Later on my dad stopped by the house to chat and have a cup of coffee and once again he and I spoke a little about Stuart Scott and I got to the point where it was hard for me to talk about it. I often get caught up in the fight against cancer because it’s so near and dear to my and my family’s hearts. Losing a loved one to cancer is never an easy thing and when talking about my mom, I always hate to say that she lost her fight against cancer. It’s just never felt right. She fought her ass off to beat the disease, to survive not for herself but for us and because life is worth living, so when she did pass away from cancer it didn’t really feel like she lost. We all feel a loss without her in our daily lives anymore, but she fought like hell and if there had been a way to truly win the battle, I can’t help but think that she would have.

That’s why I lost it this morning. I remembered my mom’s fight, and I’ve spent theses past nine years trying to figure out a better way to describe her battle, rather than saying that she lost it…then I heard Stuart Scott give his speech. I heard the words come out of this man that I had been searching for for the better part of a decade, “When you die, that doesn’t mean you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live and the manner in which you live.”

Here at Banana Daiquiris and Life Lessons we've talked a lot about heroes and I found it kind of funny to see that one of Stuart's favorite "heroes," Jack Bauer (Keifer Sutherland's 24 Character) presented him with the award, and he mentions it because it seems like a big deal to him. What's funny about that to me, is that it appears that he doesn't understand that there are two men standing on that stage, and that one played a hero on TV, while the other exemplified everything we believe a hero to be.

One of my favorite quotes of all time was something Vince Lombardi once said, “Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is.” I’ve always associated this quote with sports and have always found it a great way to inspire young athletes when I’ve worked with them throughout my life. But it wasn’t until after I heard Stuart Scott’s speech that I started to understand that this quote goes beyond sports, that it immortalized the same sentiment that Scott portrayed through his speech and the great Jim Valvano had done with his 20 some years earlier, that fighting the good fight and giving it your all…win or lose, results in victory.

Scott went on to say, “So live. Live. Fight like hell. And when you get too tired to fight, lay down and rest, and let somebody else fight for you.” While he was still with us he spoke of the family and friends that stayed by his side and reminded him to stay in the fight at his lowest points. So he kept fighting, just like Jim Valvano, and just like our mom.

All of these people, as well as so many others that I’ve known who have passed away from cancer continued to fight right through the end…but now they’ve reached their resting point and can fight no longer…so now we must continue our fight for them.

Each year a fantastic group of people join us to continue our fight against cancer through Hoops for Hope and The V Foundation for Cancer Research. If we hadn’t continued our mother’s fight we would never have found the amazing organization that we are now a part of. We wouldn’t have been inspired by her and Valvano to help continue to fight to find a cure and I may have never found the words that represent how I felt about my mother’s fight, through another warrior in the battle, Stuart Scott.

He would have just been a Sports Center anchor to me, I may have still shed a tear for him as my friend had, but I wouldn’t share this connection with him like I feel I now do.

One of the things that bothers me more than anything is that after we lose someone to cancer the family is left behind to try and pick up the pieces. I know this is a terrible thing to have to go through because me and my family have done it, and continue to do it every day. If I could I would love to talk to Stuart’s daughters and tell them that I’m here for them if they need someone to talk to. That despite the heartache that they’re currently feeling, that they need to know that they’re not alone. That there will be hard times, but the love their dad had for them won’t go away, its warmth will be with them for the rest of their days and every time they hear a story about their dad or see something that reminds them of him that it may hurt…but it also brings him back.

I would tell them to not forget his words, to live their lives to the fullest and to not forget how hard he fought to try and stay with them. That his love for them kept him going through an over seven year battle against a terrible disease. That they were his life.

I’d like to recruit them to join us in keeping the fight going for him. I hope they remember how hard he fought and how he seemed like he was never afraid to speak to others in the fight with him and offer an encouraging word to keep going, and that legacy is something that they can keep going to help him to keep fighting.

According to the tributes, Stuart Scott was also a man who loved children. He would go out of his way to talk to them and have actual conversations with them, and from all accounts he was loved by so many kids for these efforts. He knew that he was a public figure and he used that to bring joy to everyone, adults and children alike, which is something we should all strive for.

A plaque which my Grandpa always had hanging from his wall when we were kids read:

“That man is a success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much;

who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of children;

who has filled his niche and accomplished his task;

who leaves the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem or a rescued soul;

who never lacked appreciation of earth’s beauty or failed to express it;

who looked for the best in others and gave the best he had.”

It’s a way I’ve tried to live my life and when I heard of Stuart’s passing, it was the first thing that came to mind.

Stuart did not lose to cancer. He wanted to win and gave everything he could to win. He touched so many people in his far too short of time here and leaves a legacy which will continue to touch others long after we’re all gone as well…That man…is a success.

None of us know how we’ll die…but we can choose how we live, and Stuart Scott helped to inspire us to live life to the fullest and that it’s worth the battle.

Rest in Peace, Stuart.

Happy New Years Eve from Mexico!

So it's that time of year again, time to reflect on our previous year or years and to measure our expectations to our realities. Looking back at this past year it hasn't really been a series of ups and downs like it had been in the past for me but a pretty constant year, and a good one at that. I didn't have any serious negative things happen to me, my family and friends all appear to be healthy and at this point they're all looking good to survive another year and the positives in my life have been pretty spectacular.

This past year marked the birth of a few awesome little ones to some of my closest friends and it has been truly a joy to get to see them become the awesome parents I always knew they would be, and for some, continue to be. It also brought forth the announcement of a few new little ones to join us in 2015, which I truly cant wait to meet. It may even require me to finally make that trip to Arizona I've been promising for years!

2014 also saw a resurgence of this little endeavor called Banana Daiquiris and Life Lessons. I fell short of the 52 blog posts I had hoped for by about 12, but still, that's far more than I had ever done and after 40 posts in one year I still enjoy doing it and occasionally we even bring in a reader or two.

Looking back at my new year's resolution post from a year ago I certainly didn't complete everything I had hoped to in this past year, but I had somme pretty amazing experiences, met some extraordinary people and have somehow been able to turn the massive amount of what could be mundane days that make up a year into one extended learning experience that undoubtedly has taught me a number of life lessons as well as has left me a better person.

One of the coolest things that happened for the blog this year was that we have coaxed a consistent contributor into the fray with Mike Braget. I know he must be somewhat in for the long haul with us as we even made his Christmas card this year! I know I had mentioned that I wanted to convince a celebrity to blog with us this year but I feel like its an even cooler experience to have Mike write a post from a hammock in Mexico!

Speaking of writing from Mexico...

My first post of 2014 was written from my desk at my house with just me and a glass of Jameson. It was a great experience and a post that looked towards the future without any real sentiment for where the year would bring me. As I sit here on my veranda in Playa Del Carmen overlooking the fantastic pool where I have just spent a good portion of my day enjoying Banana Daiquiris pool side I can honestly say that looking back 365 days there is no way I thought this is how I would be spending my new years 2015.

I spent most of 2013 trying to make up for a poor summer where we put far more money into our business than we ever had as well as some other poor financial decisions. I was pretty much flat broke living pay check to pay check and having to borrow money from my sister just to make it through the tax season. 

We still didn't have a block buster year for our summer business but we did make enough to actually receive a pay check this year. We lost all of the month of June to rain, but when our crowds started to come back in July and August we dealt with far more families than ever before and really started to love what we do again. Even if we had simply broke even or not lost nearly as much as the previous year but still got to deal with these amazing people, it would have been worth it.

But we did make a little money, and after a bad couple years for me, my sister decided it was important that we take a vacation together. My brother, Ryan, had already booked a trip with his girlfriend over the same time period that we were going so we undoubtedly miss him on this trip, but it has been exactly what I think we all needed.

This escape to Mexico has been super relaxing (except for the near death experience on our trip here) and has led to a series of days spent sipping Banana Daiquiris and other frozen cocktails by the pool. Fun fact, when you spend your whole day day drinking, you tend to have pretty early nights. Our biggest worry for tonight is actually making it all the way to midnight! Our latest night so far was last night where Joe and I forced ourselves to stay up until 11:30! It helped that we met some new friends from Texas who were a lot younger than us, but day drinking, it appears, has the same effect on all of us!

This trip was just what the doctor ordered. It's a trip where we get to be together as a family (at least partially) in a situation where we aren't working. We probably spend more time together than any other siblings our age but those hours are almost exclusive to work, this is play, this is relaxation...this is quality family time.

So as this is the last blog of 2014 I'm not really going to delve into what I hope to accomplish in 2015, I just wanted to touch base with you as a recap of the year that was and say that it has been a good year for me as well. I'm not sure where I'm going from here, but I know where I am today...and today, my friends, is a great day.

Happy New Year from all of us at Banana Daiquiris and Life Lessons! We hope you have a fantastic night ringing in the new year with the ones you love, and don't forget to have yourself a daiquiri or two to ring it in!

"IT IS WHAT IT IS"

We're flying high over Saint Louis, MO with Americas hottest family, and we're all about to die.

Let's just say we had a bit of an experience with our flight to Cancun Mexico...

My dad and I took off for Minneapolis on Christmas day so that we could spend a day with y sister and brother-in-law at their place before we took off on our trip to Playa Del Carmen in Mexico. The roads were perfect on the way down there and there was pretty much no snow left in Minnesota at this point although we did come across some fog in areas. 

We got to my sister's house without any problems at all and got to spend that night and the next day pretty much just hanging out with a side step to do some shopping early the day after Christmas. We even got that all done early enough where we were able to avoid the large crowds, got the few items we still needed for our trip (although finding swim wear in December in Minnesota proved to be a chore!) and were back to the house by around 9:30am! We spent the rest of the day watching Christmas movies such as the classic holiday film, Die Hard, and just attempted to get completely into relaxation mode for our flight and trip which we had to get up early for the next day.

Our flight was scheduled to take off at 8:50am and with it being an international flight we wanted to get to the airport by around 6:50am...so of course we got hit with a bit of a winter storm that night. I woke up around 4am to the sound of my sister out shoveling her side walks and went up to see that although we had missed out on a white Christmas, the snow had arrived just in time to possibly cause us some problems to get the heck out of Dodge!

Luckily my sister and her husband recently purchased a Jeep so we weren't too worried about navigating the highways to the airport, but we were a bit worried about other drivers as well as whether or not the plane would be delayed due to the current conditions.

We got to the airport with plenty of time to get checked in then we stopped at one of the airport watering holes to get some cocktails because everyone knows that once you pass through airport security, you are officially on vacation. So we go to this restaurant/bar and it being 7:30 or so in the morning, my dad didn't feel up for a drink, but Steph, Joe, and I ordered mimosas at a busy counter and the girl poured them for us drop them off and said, "$41.13." I figured she must have been talking to the group next to us and when I looked at their tab it was that number so when she came back I said: "I'd like to pay for these drinks please, how much were they?"

Her: "$41.13."

Me: "Holy shit! Well, here you go."

So needless to say, we were getting pretty excited to get out of the airport and to our all inclusive resort! 

We got a notice saying that our plane would be delayed 15 minutes but considering the outside conditions we felt like that wasn't bad at all! We boarded the plane at 8:15am and were now scheduled to depart at 9am. Everyone got loaded up pretty quickly and we were all set to go, we pulled onto the tarmac and then were informed that due to heavy traffic in Cancun as well as the need to do some de-icing we would now not be taking off until a little after 10am...yet we got to stay in the plane...for an hour and 20 minutes...like sardines. Why we needed to get on the plane when we did, I'll never know, but I had a good book with me and I just decided to make the best out of a bad situation.

So 10am arrives and we're headed for take-off, finally. It's a pretty smooth takeoff and we are finally on our way to our all inclusive vacation! about an hour and a half into our flight the captain comes on over the PA system and says: "You may have noticed that we have turned around. We got a crack in our windshield so we are headed back to Minneapolis where we'll try to arrange another plane for you. The second pane is intact and we feel like we'll be fine to make the trip rather than landing in Saint Louis."

Things were starting to register with the passengers and most of us were waiting for him to say, just joking! But it never came. Soon people were starting to get angry that we were turning around and I was sitting there thinking to myself...he did just say that we got a crack in the windshield of our plane right? The thing that is carrying us traveling around 300mph or so however high above the ground? So yeah, we're all going to die today. But, I had that book so I just said, well, I'll read my book and whatever happens happens. The lady a few seats ahead of us was celebrating her 80th birthday by flying all of her family to Mexico for a vacation and after talking to her a bit she just showed us her bracelet witch said, "It is what it is." Which summed up the situation perfectly. 

We probably should have landed in Saint Louis, but by traveling back to Minneapolis (if we made it) we would have a better chance at still getting a plane to take us to Cancun sometime that day. So, I guess they figured it was worth the risk.

We arrived back in Minneapolis safely and as we were departing the plane we got a glimpse into the cockpit where the windshield could certainly be considered to be cracked. I would have listed it more as shattered but whatever, we made it home safe.

Once we got back into the MSP airport I text my brother and buddy and told them: "Well, we're back in MSP." and then went ahead and filled them in on our traveling escapades to that point. The good news was that they had secured another plane for us with a windshield and all the other bells and whistles and they thought we should be able to take off at 2pm. We landed back in MSP around 12:15 so the turnaround was pretty darn impressive!

The flight actually took off at 2:10pm but we had a good flight this go around and made it to Mexico around 6:30pm. We got through customs pretty quick and then got our taxi lined up and got ourselves a couple of cervezas and now we've been drunk for two days....

But the trip to Mexico ended up being pretty exciting and probably a story we'll remember for quite a while, but the thing I'll probably remember most is how some people were complaining about being late for the start of our vacation, and some realizing that there wasn't anything we could do about it other than pray we made it home safe. The birthday girl taught us all a valuable life lesson that day with a simple bracelet that just read, "It is what it is."

A Christmas Story

“So this is Christmas, and what have we done? Another year over, a new one just begun.”

So go the lyrics of a holiday classic brought to us by the infamous John Lennon. It’s a magical time of year where we sort of celebrate the birth of “our lord and savior Jesus Christ,” but really it’s a time to just try and act in a manner that may represent what the story of that person is meant to instill in us. To do unto others and all that Jazz.

I personally am not all that religious of a guy, (I know, big shocker to our consistent readers) but I am a man of faith so to speak. I believe in people and their ability to do good, and this time of year is a great time to really show that spirit. Given all of the crazy terrible things going on around the world, I think we could use a little more of the good and a rest from the wicked. We all could use some of that holiday magic where we forgive the wrong that others have done unto us and we use this holiday to show the ones we love how much they mean to us. The idea isn’t about presents, but presence. Being there and showing we care for each other by actually spending some quality time together. The presents we give to each other may be nice but the main point is to prove we know each other, that we’ve been paying attention and that the things we receive may not be as important as the meaning behind them.

As we grow older our wish lists dwindle as we get jobs and purchase the necessities for ourselves throughout the year, but to give the magic of Christmas to a child is something special. I was recently talking about Santa with some of the kids on my bus and one of the 7^th grade girls told me that she knew that Santa wasn’t real during our discussion of when we open presents for Christmas. I then proceeded to tell her about the time that Santa made a trip to our house, right about the time we started to question his existence as well…

Our tradition is to gather the family at the house on Christmas Eve where we have our Christmas tree which has had a growing number of presents throughout the week underneath it (all from each other), than we would go out looking at Christmas lights while one of our parents would stay behind to assist Santa in putting out all the presents that came from him. When we would come back Santa would have been there and we would be amazed at all of the presents that he had left behind!

Some kids love the surprise, and some seek out their presents before opening them. They shake the ones under the tree and wait for an opportune time to search through all of the possible hiding places in the house where Santa/Mom & Dad may have hidden other presents. You hear stories, and maybe even partook in carefully unwrapping presents to discover what they are before Christmas and then carefully rewrapping them in order to not be discovered. My brother may have been one of these individuals…

When I was just about that age where I was starting to question if Santa was real or not, my brother and I were home alone one day and he came to me and said, “Want to see something?”

I being the younger, dumber brother I quickly said, “Sure!”

He then led me into my parent’s bedroom where he opened up their closet to reveal a plethora of items which we had asked for throughout the year, all waiting to be wrapped, and all of which were more than likely coming from Santa. He also showed me a toy drum set which I had requested from Santa which was being hidden in our garage…at which point our parents returned and found us.

They were furious that we would go snooping around like that and told us that all of the presents were being returned to the store, they even went as far as to load everything back up in the car while we sat there watching, tears filling my face and drenching my shirt. Christmas was ruined.

I now knew that there was no Santa and that I would no longer be getting all of the great toys that I had just moments before discovered. I cried and cried, blamed my brother for everything, told my parents that I hadn’t wanted to go snooping, and as could be predicted completely threw my brother under the bus.

But they were holding firm. There would be no presents except the few we already had under the tree, which in our eyes (after seeing the haul we were going to get) was practically nothing.

Despite knowing that we would not be getting all of those awesome presents, my brother and I were now in make up mode and were on our absolute best behavior for the remainder of the Christmas season. We knew we had messed up and Christmas being our mom’s favorite time of year, we felt like we had almost cheated her out of something as well (It being better to give rather than receive was far beyond our rationale at that age). So we were good, probably better than we had been all year, not because we felt like we could still redeem ourselves enough to save our Christmas, but because we felt bad about what we had done.

So Christmas Eve came and we piled in the car with my dad and two sisters and my mom stayed home to finish the Christmas meal and hang out just in case Santa arrived (which we knew wouldn’t happen because we had been bad, and also because we now knew that there was no Santa, just mom and dad).

We were gone for quite a while checking out all of the beautiful lights our community had put up on their houses to help put them in the Christmas mood, or to make the season special for their families or neighbors, or just because they loved the season. We drove all over the place and for the first time for a long time we weren’t complaining about trying to get back because we knew that there weren’t going to be any of the crazy things we had asked for for Christmas, there was just going to be a few small presents as well as some quality family time. Maybe we would eat and put together a puzzle, or play a hard core game of Yahtzee…and that was going to be enough. We wanted to make the day special for our parents because we knew we had ruined their Christmas and because we were beginning to finally see all of the amazing things they do to make our lives better…I mean, who comes up with a magical person who delivers presents just to make their kids believe that there is magic in this world of ours?

We finished our drive and parked our car in the driveway, not rushing to be the first one in the house as normal, but just slowly walking in talking about what was our favorite display and excited about getting to tell our mom about all of the beautiful lights.

As we entered the house and looked up from our landing, we were shocked to see a large man with a big white beard dressed all in red and white standing at the top of our stairs! Santa hadn’t just been to our house, but he was still there!

We were like the little kids who happen upon Santa away from his typical haunts (the mall photo opt, or ringing the bell for the Salvation Army), we were in awe and very timid. We also figured we were about to get a lecture about how bad we had been that year…which was pretty much what happened.

But he being Santa, and seeing everything in all, he also talked to us about how he had been really impressed with our turn around and wanted us to keep being the good boys he knew we could be. He said that our parents had asked him to talk to us specifically because they thought that we were beginning to believe that he didn’t exist and thought that it would be a shame if we stopped seeing the magic of the season.

As you would imagine we praised everything he was saying, told him we would be the good little boys he knew we could be, promised to not go snooping around in places we shouldn’t be and probably a ton of other things which we inevitably failed to hold to.

Santa wished us all a very Merry Christmas, told us he had parked his sleigh on our back deck and that maybe next year we could see it and pet the reindeer and away he went. I still remember hearing the hooves of the reindeer on our deck as he took off to his next stop.

We then went out to the Christmas tree which was now surrounded by presents, including all of the things we had seen our parents load up to return to the store, Santa had really come through in the end!

So I told this story to the little 7^th grade girl on my bus and although she had been very sure that Santa did not exist I could see now that she was starting to question it a bit. I have never been known to lie to the kids on my bus, so why would I be lying to her now?

Christmas is a magical time of year, not necessarily because of all the things that we receive but because of all that we can give and because hopefully we are able to share it with loved ones. It doesn’t matter what you have under the tree, but who’s there to share the season with you.

As I look back at our Christmas seasons past I think of how hard our parents worked to instill the magic of Christmas upon us all. No matter the circumstances our parents made it a special occasion for us and because of the kind of people they are and were, they had friends that would help out along the way.

When I think of Christmas and its meaning now, I think of the Christmas where we were flat broke and we weren’t going to be able to have any presents at all, but my mom’s best friend Lil Bridgeford, went out and bought us all gifts because she knew how important the holiday was to our mom.

I think about all of the sacrifices my parents made for us, how my mom absolutely loved Christmas, the lights, the decorations, the exchanging of gifts and just getting to spend the holiday with the people she loved and I know that I was very lucky to get to spend my first 22 Christmas seasons with someone like her who always made sure we believed in the magic of Christmas and the goodness of people.

I think at some point my parents told us who played Santa that day for them and how they had made it seem like the sleigh was taking off from our deck, but for the life of me I can’t remember that part of the story. Maybe I just choose not to, maybe to this day I still believe in the magic of Christmas, and maybe you should too.

 

Merry Christmas from all of us at Banana Daiquiris and Life Lessons!

 

 

Some Thoughts on Ferguson

 

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been following all of the events surrounding the shootings in Ferguson and other areas of the country. We saw videos, heard opinions one way and the other and have seen protests not turning ugly, but beginning that way and staying that way. We’ve seen people saying that these incidents were race related and others search out and post information about white people being shot by black officers, further expanding the race divide on the issue. We’ve also seen officers standing up for their fellow officers and whites and blacks jumping their “race line” and defending their opposite race.

The issues have gotten the masses talking about the racial divide and how race issues are almost as bad as they’ve always been, at least in some areas of the country, which is quite a bold if not uneducated determination considering our very tumultuous history, but something is certainly wrong with our current situation.

I did not grow up in a very diverse community. Our school attempted, for a while, to run a foreign exchange program to assist us in learning more about cultures foreign from our own, and help us to dispel some of the prejudices that you may be more prone to, growing up in a single culture area.

The program was great in theory and it definitely led to some lifetime friendships and accomplished the proclaimed goal of exposing all of us (the kids and adults from my town as well as the exchange students) to different ways of life, but ultimately the large scale program failed.

Why?

Because eventually the foreign exchange students grouped together as one unit and the kids from my area as another. They were no longer one harmonious group learning from each other, but they were two groups who focused too much on their differences and not enough on their similarities. The two groups who started as open minded and eager to learn and interact with each other formed prejudices. It may have been a few individuals who turned the groups (which more times than not, proves to be the case) or it could have been baggage passed down from previous generations. But whatever the case there was an igniting incident which led to what can best be described as an all-out melee in our school cafeteria one lunch hour. This led to several other group against group fights and ultimately to the end of what had been a very successful program.

We were lucky enough to still have some families who recognized the importance of learning from each other who still would recruit and welcome in a few foreign exchange students each year, but our large scale program eventually failed all do to a few individuals who incited the masses.

This brings me back to Ferguson. My personal opinion, take it or leave it, is that for the most part we’re dealing with misplaced anger. Too quickly we jump on the race, religion, sex, nationality, or whatever convenient band wagon. We take isolated incidents and turn them into causes. We blow incidents out of proportion and turn a whole group of people against another group of people instead of looking at the specific incident and individuals. Maybe the young man who was shot was completely innocent or completely to blame. Maybe the officer acted exactly as he should and did his job to the letter of the law, or maybe he murdered an innocent man…but the incident involved those two individuals. It certainly affected their families and loved ones, but it was an incident involving not groups, but individuals.

 Too often we group ourselves together, be it by your favorite sports team, the school you attend, the neighborhood you live in, the church you attend, your gender, your race or your nationality. We group ourselves together and forget about ourselves as individuals. When we do this we tend to take isolated incidents and latch onto them as something concerning the whole group. Nobody’s better at establishing “group think” than the people who represent us in government. These individuals are generally the first ones to tell us that these incidents aren’t group but individual related, unless it affects their party line, at which point they of course choose sides and tell you the opposite side is dead wrong…and there’s something wrong with that.

These people and their actions are portrayed in front of us (via television, radio, and multiple other sources) more than any others, and the example they set for everyone is to toe that party line, which can then lead to mean; race, religion, country or whatever line. Do what’s best for the group, damn the consequences and the individual.

So we get Republicans telling us what the Democrats idolize is wrong and vice versa. Not that John Smith made a valid point or that they disagree with that individual, but that he represents his party, so they’re wrong….which in turn leads to; all cops are killers of innocent men, all white people hate black people, all black people break laws, loot and burn down buildings…and quite frankly, that’s bullshit and I, for one, won’t accept it.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover,” is the essence of prejudice and it’s something we may all be guilty of but it needs to stop. Stop grouping individuals and as individuals we need to stop doing it to ourselves as well. We may fall into these sub categories on the surface, but we’re all still very unique people with our own views, opinions, and beliefs. We are not our gender, race, religion, country, political party or any other singularity. We are complex and unique and each one of us is responsible for ourselves and our actions.

”The biggest mistake of people is that they think they do not deserve the good and bad things from their lives.” – Paulo Coelho

My heart goes out to all of the individuals involved in these incidences and I truly hope that you can find some peace.

Don’t look for the differences between you and your fellow man, for you may only find hate. Look for the similarities and hopefully we can find love.