I suck at Zoosk... (follow up)

So we’re really going to blog again? Shit… I only have 10 minutes to kick something out, but I’m compelled to contribute.

I’m confused though… are we blogging about getting burned by girls or punching walls? I guess it doesn’t matter… I have experience with both… I just wanted a little direction. And what the hell is Zoosk, I had to Google that shit! (and yes I did use Google, because I f***ing hate bing!) Anyways, I accidentally have a profile now and have been getting a lot of inappropriate emails from someone with the handle of “pattycakes_3@USB” !?

Let’s start with getting shit-smacked by love. It happens to the best of us. In the past I have been cheated on, dumped on my birthday, and had other notable break-ups that have left me feeling worthless, leading to intoxication, & ultimately to punching walls... usually followed by crying. Actually I take that back… I only punch walls over sports. But I digress.

I don’t have the time to dive into the messy details of my past relationships… but I will say that I’m a better person for having gone through it all. I personally would not be happily married to my wife today if I had not previously had my heart broke by some whore of an ex-girlfriend from Bismarck who couldn’t go on a trip to Mexico without putting her dick-mitts on every dude she saw! But again, I digress.

TO MY POINT: When something terrible happens… whether it’s getting your heart broke, dealing with the death of someone close to you, or something else that’s equally terrible… it’s easy to feel like your life is over and you will never be happy again. It can linger for days, weeks or years… and eat away at your self esteem and general quality of life. I know it did for me… several times! But then you get over it… no matter how tough it is, eventually you get over because you realize that you have a life to live and that crying over things you can’t change won’t help anything. Then as time goes on you grow a little tougher and a little smarter. And you learn to use that heartbreak to motivate you to build something positive from it. You have to grow from your experiences and learn to not make the same mistakes… otherwise you set yourself up for failure. And remember that friends, true friends, really do have your best interest at heart. And even though ladies will come and go… you will have friends there to back you up when life gets dirty. And they will remind you of stupid thing that you have ever done in order to make sure you don’t do it again!

And really the same goes with punching walls… I have to agree that it is a lesson best learned the hard way. So when love, life or sports get you down, I say punch a wall! It really puts things in perspective as you try to wipe your ass (or your tears) with your left hand for 6 weeks! (Right hand if you’re one of those freaky lefties like Kyle!)


Done! Next blog topic please!

I suck at Zoosk...

It's about time we got off our asses!

 

It has been over a year since our last Blog post and a lot of Daiquiri’s and Life Lessons have been consumed in that time! We once had a plan to put together 10 to 15 topics, have our members each write on the subjects and after some much needed editing, put together a book…we got through one topic. I blame myself mostly. I fell in love, learned a few more life lessons, and now it’s time to get back on track. I know that at least one of our members has another Blog in the works, centered around hash tags (#) but I figured since my most recent life lesson was learned on love, and one of our topics at one point was going to be based off of the book, “I Suck at Girls” that this may be a good subject to get going with once again. I’ll probably only touch base on the newest of love lessons learned in this blog as the wound is still pretty fresh but as Henry Miller said, “The best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature.” At BDandLL…we have to settle for a Blog!

So, I’m not so hot when it comes to relations with the opposite sex, I think if you know me…you know this to be true. For the most part I believe that girls do tend to enjoy my company, and I think I’ve made at least one or two of them laugh over the years…but it turns out I just don’t currently have that “it” factor when it comes to settling down. Now I know what you’re thinking, this is going to be one of those “woe is me” type rantings but it’s not, I promise. I’m just going to try and give you a few examples of my failures at love and hopefully you can relate a bit, or at least get a laugh off of my misery!

There has certainly been a lot of girls over the years that I have been attracted to, be it looks, sense of humor, overall personality, etc. and when I find someone that I enjoy, I generally go after them. Life’s too short not to take chances and for the most part I would consider this a rewarding endeavor, even if I completely struck out, like the time some lovely co-ed had me give her a ride back to her place, showed me her room and talked about how comfortable her bed was, at which point I said,” it does look comfy! Oh, I guess my rides leaving, see you later!” I may have had a few cocktails at that point and when I realized what I had done and tried to call her the next day…she seemed to have forgotten who I was, but…life and love went on.

The first really bad breakup I ever had came my sophomore year of college. I had liked the girl I was dating for quite a while and I knew that she was going to be attending college in California the next semester through an exchange program but somehow I thought we could make it work. She being a female, and the smarter of the two sexes, knew better. I took her to a Poison concert (mind you we’re both still only 30) and after having a brief argument over the situation in the car, we decided to end it. Somehow I wasn’t quite in the mood to go to Poison with her after that, so we scalped the tickets in the parking lot and then I brought her home…so yes, one of my worst breakups took place at a Poison concert where I became an illegal ticket scalper, and really the break up made sense, and the two of us are actually still friends, if she reads this she will more than likely have a good chuckle over the whole situation as well. On the way home the song, “She F-ing Hates Me” came on the radio, it’s kind of funny how songs seem to pop up in the most opportune times! Looking back, the breakup wasn’t why this situation made me think I suck at girls, the fact that I thought it would be cool to go to a Poison concert, though, should give you some inclination as to why I continue to strike out…

The next in the line of why I suck at girls came shortly after my mom had passed away. I had seen the girl a few times working at one of my mom’s and my favorite restaurants and never quite had the courage to ask her out, but once my mom passed away I figured it was time to start taking more chances, so like the new man I had become, the next time my friends and I ate at her restaurant I left her a note on our bill that said, “How does Meagan Brumwell sound to you?” with my telephone number…yeah, manly and don’t forget, classy. Low and behold, minutes after we left I received a text message. We talked a few times, ended up getting together for a while, I even took her to Puerto Rico with our family and for a brief moment I thought she may have been the one for me, but then she wasn’t. The result of this break up, and to a greater extent the loss of my mom, was a cross country road trip taken by my brother and I. It was a month long trip that had us visiting a ton of friends and family we hadn’t seen for a very long time and mostly getting too drunk and almost dying in Western Texas. For more on that road trip, consult our “Get Jealous” Blog which we wrote in everyday on that trip. The heartache I felt after that break up was probably more of a combination of losing my mom and the girl I tried to replace her with. She was a great girl, and we had a lot of fun together, but we were both pretty young and both had a lot of living yet to do. On our road trip I would wake up every morning and take pictures of the sunrises over the different landscapes, and I don’t think I realized it until about midway through our trip, but despite the heartache I was feeling, that sun seemed to keep rising every day.

Now, like most of you, I see people post personal stuff on Facebook all of the time and I say to myself, come on man, you’re better than that. I’ve also seen plenty of drunken idiots punching walls and such that you just wonder, what the hell were they thinking?! My most recent break up decided to show me that sometimes, you just don’t think.

After my most recent break up went back to her ex, shortly after we broke up…I did the manly thing once again and posted a nasty comment for everyone to see on my Facebook wall, what an idiotic thing to do. Sometimes the mind seems to just go ahead and shut off, but thankfully Facebook has built in Life Lessons! My comment stated something along the lines of how I had been traded in for a guy with a six pack…and now it seems like my news feed is littered with suggested posts on how to achieve a six pack, secrets to achieving a six pack in 30 days, how to get rock hard abs…FML. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I think as soon as I changed my relationship status every dating sight on the web invaded my news feed as well. I’m sure I still have some friends out there doing some interesting things, but I’ll never know until I finish up this six pack and get my Zoosk on!

Now, punching a wall doesn’t seem like the smartest thing a person can do, and as I’ve now found out first hand, it’s not! A little over a week ago we had a live fantasy football draft in Fargo and got together with a bunch of our friends for it. We started drinking at about 11am, so you know this story is going to end well…

After the draft we decided to go bowling, and at about hour 11 or so of drinking I was informed that my ex had now gotten engaged to her ex boyfriend just a few months after we had broken up…My rational self probably would have just been pissed off and hurt by the situation, but my overly intoxicated self remembers it like a hurricane…I believe I recall my friends trying to talk me down, trying to say all the things friends say to let you know that you’re the better person, that the person you once loved just isn’t worth it…things that may have made sense to a sober rational person, but that’s not who I was that night and so after being told not to punch a wall about 100 times from everyone, I finally broke free and went ahead and punched a brick wall…Now, I’m pretty sure I broke at least one knuckle in the exchange but damn did it feel good…just kidding, it hurt like hell and still does…moral of the story, don’t be an idiot and punch walls, but the only way to really learn this lesson is to learn it for yourself!

The only way that could have ended worse is if I had taken to Facebook to talk about how I had punched a wall. The next thing you would know I would be getting overwhelmed with ads for hand surgery, or prosthesis!

So, as it currently stands…I kind of stink with girls, but I keep trying to remember that road trip and the fact that the sun continues to rise every day. Tomorrow keeps bringing forth new opportunities, and if you’ve read our blogs in the past you can see that it’s pretty easy for us to make fools out of ourselves and to take risks. Love is a leap of faith, you got to be willing to put yourself out there, and even though you may end up getting crushed a few times, in the end I think it must all be worth it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to do 500 crunches before my IM Date with my latest Christian Mingle match…

Apples or O-Rings?

The Dare: Eat 30 Apples in One Week...or was it Get a New O-Ring? Can’t seem to remember.

I know this is a highly anticipated blog, not only from all of our followers, but from the other bloggers as well. I know this, because I get a text, a phone call, a fax, a facebook message, a tweet, or a post on the wall daily. Heck, a pigeon even landed on my window the other day. Beep beep beeeeep beep beep beep be be be beep bee beeeep beep beeeeep - that was Morse Code for hurry up and get your blog done (the PG version, anyway).  Yea, the fellow bloggers are pretty serious.  Since it took so long to get the blog posted, I have to walk to the tee box with my pants down. I guess I was "too lazy" to get the blog done. (If by lazy, they mean I bought a house, went to DC, moved in, painted every wall in the place, and still planning some remodeling). But, now the blog is here.

Back to the dare. So, 30 apples in one week. Eating the apples, I must say, was not the hardest part. The hardest part was finding the time to work, eat apples, have a bowel movement, and get to the grocery store to buy more apples...oh, and find some more time for another bowel movement. I also had to do this challenge in five days, not seven. Follow along to see if I completed this challenge.

Day 1

Monday – I go to work as usual and everything is fine and dandy. Around noon, I took my lunch break and went to the grocery store to pick up some apples to leave in our break room. I picked up a bag of nine green apples. I don’t know names of apples so we will just call them green ones. Anyway, back to the day - So, I return to work with a bag of apples. My manager says, “What’s with all the apples?” I reply with, “We have an apple eating contest to see if we can eat 30 apples in a week.” Most managers would probably think that this is really stupid. Well, mine says, “Alright then, let me know how it goes.”

So the bag had nine apples. I tackled four in one hour, then had two bowel movements within the next hour. I finished three and a half within the next hour and I was interrupted by a customer at 4:30, so I put half of my apple down. How rude of someone to come in and sit down to talk shop when they can clearly see I am busy - busy eating an apple and possibly turning green. To finish my work day, I finished the last few bites of my now brown apple to make sure I finished eight for the day. I then ran upstairs for my final bowel movement of the work day. So, in case you weren't already keeping track, apples to bowel movements are 8:3.

Break down of the day:

          - 12:00pm - 1:00pm: Lunch, bought apples

          - 1:00pm - 2:00pm: Ate 4 apples

          - 2:00pm - 3:00pm: 2 bowel movements

          - 3:00pm - 4:30pm: Ate 3.5 apples

          - 5:00pm: Ate .5 apples and had one bowel          

            movement

Total for the week = 8 Apples

Day 2

Tuesday - After a strong start to the challenge, this day took a turn. I did not sleep well the night before due to an upset stomach. The bowels weren’t going so well either - I’m just going to say it. I was a bit plugged up. But, I had to push on. So, I went and grabbed my last apple out of the bag and finished it. Felt good - back on the wagon and motivated to continue. I waited for lunch to pick up another bag of apples. Lunch came, and that’s what I did.  Another nine apples to finish for the day. I knew I needed to average about eight a day to be done by Thursday. This day was a failure. Out of the nine new apples, I finished three. This would only lead to trouble the rest of the week. Apples to Bowels ratio for the day was 3:0.

Break down of the day: 

           - 8:30am - Ate 1 apple

           - 12:00pm - Bought new apples

           - 2:00pm - 3:00pm: Ate 2 apples

Total for the week = 11 Apples

Day 3: DOOMS DAY

Wednesday - Still plugged. I have to finish 11 apples to get back on track to finish on Thursday. The day started with a company meeting and me eating apples during the meeting. I don’t know if you know this, but apples are kind of loud and there is never a garbage near you when you finish your apple. I mean never. Try it next time - eat an apple, finish it, then look around. Yep, you got it, no garbage. “Where’s the garbage?" Anyway, back to the meeting. So, I finished two apples and three cups of coffee. Yep, great idea during the meeting. Well, the stomach started to turn and I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it back from the meeting site to my office, so I stopped at a gas station to use the restroom. Went in and took a seat. Nothing. I sat there for another minute or so and remembered some great words. “If you're not going to shit, get off the pot,” so that’s what I did. My stomach started to feel better, so I continued to eat apples. I was able to put down 13 apples this day before heading home and had zero bowel movements. 13:0 ratio.

Break down of the day:

           - 7:30am - 9:00am: Ate 2 apples

           - 10:00am - 12:00pm: Ate 4 apples       

           - 12:00pm - 3:00pm: Ate 6 apples

           - 3:00pm - 5:00pm: Ate 1 apple

Total for the week = 24 Apples

This evening was the worst. I finished 13 apples, had five cups of coffee total for the day and then decided to go eat at a Chinese buffet. Yea, I have a tattoo that says "Idiot" right on my rear end. Anyway, I finished my meal and headed home. I am still plugged up from the apples, but have Chinese gas powered food behind it marching away at 100 mph. I really had no chance. I got home at about 6:00pm and left the bathroom around 8:30pm. Two days worth of relief going on in there. It was brutal. So, new ratio of 13:9. (It was worth a 9).

Day 4

Thursday - Six apples to go. I was so looking forward to being regular again. I thought I would pace myself this day - not because my stomach was twisted a bit (it was), but because my rear end hurt so bad that walking was a challenge in itself. By noon, I had one apple down but it took me almost a whole hour to finish it. After 2:00pm, I finished two more. Then it came - My stomach said, "Hey, you have an appointment. Now seems like a good time to kick in." Unfortunately, I was with a customer. As I started to talk faster to the customer, I realized that this was going to be a photo finish. I finished with the customer, walked them out of my office, and turned for the stairs. I made it to the third stair, and the customers says, “Hey, quick question.” Damn, I was so close. Everything went blurry. I can’t tell you what the customer said or what I said. I think I might have even spoke in Latin. I didn’t wait for a response and went straight to the bathroom. BOOM - made it. It was close. I then grabbed one more apple for the road. I was able to put down four apples and one had one bowel movement for the day. 4:1 ratio.

Break down of the day:

           - 10:00am - 12:00pm: Ate 1 apple       

           - 2:00pm - 4:30pm: Ate 2 apples

           - 3:00pm - 3:30pm: Bowel movement

           - 5:15pm: Ate 1 apple

Total for the week = 28 Apples

Day 5

Friday - I didn’t finish the 30 by Thursday as I planned. But 28 wasn't too bad and only having to eat two this day would be do-able. I stopped at the gas station to pick up my last two green apples. I finished the first one before work and felt pretty darn good. Lunch came around, and I finished my second. Done. Victory. Relief. Satisfaction. It felt good to say I completed the 30 apples in a week. I had one bowel movement, but wasn’t bad at all, so that was nice. So, I finished two apples and had one bowel movement. 2:1 ratio.

Break down of the day:

           - 8:30am: Ate 1 apple

           - 10:00am: Bowel movement

           - Noon: Ate 1 apple - VICTORY!

Total for the week = 30 Apples 

Final ratio 30:14

I did not eat the whole core, like my other colleagues, but I had a rough go around with this and felt like I didn’t need to challenge myself anymore. I may also want to mention that I was homeless during this whole process, so finding restrooms was a bit difficult. I also apologize to the kind friends that let me stay at their place. Thank You!

*Warning* Eating 30 apples in one week may sound like a good idea, but it is expensive and tough on the stomach and rear end. Average price of a bag of apples is $6, average price of toilet paper is 62 cents per roll of toilet paper, price of baby powder is $3, and price of baby wiped is $15 dollars. Bringing my total to around fifty dollars. Wow. What a guy pays for pain!

PS, I lied. I never bought baby wipes or powder. However, I thought about it a lot though. It probably would have been a good idea. So, all in all, I still probably spent about 25 dollars. I hope this blog painted a nice little picture for you.

Thanks for your time. I gotta run upstairs…

Daiquiris, Dares, and Diapers

Greetings! Well, here I am. First day as a “guest blogger” and I sort of feel like it’s the first day of school. The good news is this is the blogosphere and none of you know that I’m sitting in my pj’s and pretty much look like I rolled out of a dumpster. (Er, well I guess now you know…) Either way this is definitely not one of those “what are you wearing?” smutty posts. So get your mind out of the gutter!

A regular follower of BD&LL (yea, that’s how the cool kids are referring to it) I was pretty pumped to have the opportunity to contribute. I mean, the blog even has its own Twitter handle. That usually equals B.F.D. in my book. (If you don’t know what BFD stands for, you probably don’t have a Twitter account. Just sayin'.) 

I digress…

I was told that the topics as of late have been dare related. (30 apples in a week? Um, no thanks!) And boy do I have a dare for y’all! Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Take care of a 2 year old and a 1 month old. Not so tough you say? Well then I double dog dare you to do this while hungover. Yea, you heard me. (And yes, I did throw a double dog dare out there. Bam!)

Perhaps I should give a little background to my dare. My husband, let’s call him “Manny” (very Maury Povich of me, eh?) and I used to be cool. And by cool I mean party crashin’, keg stand dominatin’, bad ass awesome. (In a white bread sorta way.) That was pre-kids. Now, we get excited to leave the house kid-less. Even if that means going to Menards. Lame city.

SIDE NOTE: Ok, here is the part where I must insert that the kids are totally worth it all. You know, with their sticky fingers, high pitched squeals, and all that other crap that parents say when they’re talking about the ups and downs of parenting. (To me, the real question is why do parents always feel the need to insert that “they’re worth it” line? I mean, we sort of all know that right?) Anyhoo, I don’t want you to think I’ve got ice running through my viens. So now that that part is out of the way… back to the hangover.

This past Saturday Manny and I found ourselves out and about kid-free. When my parents offered to take #1 AND #2 you could see the rubber burning as we sped out of their driveway after dropping them off. We were free! We dipped back into our “glory days” by stopping at a local establishment for some adult beverages. That’s right people, we were in a bar. (A no-kid zone, unless you’re somewhere in the Appalachians.)

After a number of beverages I could be found fist-pumping on the dance floor. The old me was back! Cut forward about 4 hours later. Up with #2 to change poopy pants and feed the kid a bottle. After that fun I laid back down for what I thought would be another hour or two of sleep. ERRR! (That’s a buzzer sound, BTW.) My eyes just closed and #1 was up. I’m telling you, I used to party well past the time these kiddos get up in the morning. (Thankfully “Manny” pulled my fist-pumping ass off the dance floor before the bar even closed and made me go home. Thanks Manny!)

Naps don’t really exist when you have kids. That is, unless, you’re the kid. Thankfully we were at grandma and grandpa’s house so Manny and I were able to get a little bit more sleep than we would have gotten had we been at home. (Grandparents rock!)

Me and #1 during my post-fist pump nap.

Whether you have kids or not, please heed my warning. Hangovers and kids do not mix. At all. That next song on the jukebox or the next drink may seem like a good idea at the time, but trust me, it is not worth it! (It’s really, really not worth it when you factor in dirty diapers and your gag reflex!!)

So do me a favor. If you see what appear to be parents of young children out for a night on the town, remind them (myself included) that they will probably have to be up in a few hours. Or, at the very least, buy them a drink and daydream about yourself sleeping in. Your hangover will probably be nonexistent in the morning.

30 Apples Up on Top!

It’s been a while since I took to the net to get my random thoughts and opinions into all of your heads, and that’s mostly because I’ve been in a sick bed recovering from an over exposure to apples. Turns out 30 apples in a week may just be too much fiber…

The first blog was extremely well organized with the exact stats, and had a real nice breakdown of how exactly everything went during the dare, I am not exactly that organized though so I’ll see what I can do with this.

Day 1

I began my morning with two apples, than continued to munch on them as the day went on finishing my day at 8 apples. At the beginning and end of the day I posted what I was doing and the total I was at that night onto Facebook as I am constantly starving for attention. I also spent a lot of my night in the bathroom…

Day 2

I started my day the same way, two apples for breakfast and then munched throughout the day whenever I had an opportunity. I finished once again with 8 more apples, bringing my two-day total to 16 apples. When my brother got home from coaching at a local basketball camp he told me that at least ten people had come up to him wondering about the apple challenge, I wasn’t quite full but my attention fix was starting to be satisfied.

I also went the entire day without using the bathroom, which seemed awfully strange to me since I think I was totally exceeding my recommended daily amount of fiber…

Day 3

Day 3 was not a great day for me. I woke up in the morning with my stomach in absolute knots. It felt like I had eaten an entire Apple tree and it was desperate to get out. This morning I had no trouble at all in the lavoratory…

I was definitely sick. The thought of apples made me sick, seeing them made me feel terrible and when people asked me about them I kind of wanted to punch them in the face…apparently I had brought it on myself though, or so the people I threatened told me.

The roughest day I had had in months resulted in me eating no apples and thinking that this was a challenge I simply was not going to be able to complete. I wasn’t too proud of my day so there were no posts on Facebook or twitter. I was kind of hoping that everyone would just forget about the whole thing.

Day 4

I woke up and went on Facebook to update our company page and then checked my Facebook where one of my friends had posted that she had eaten an apple at the Bonnaroo Music Festival and had thought of me…ego stoked. It was time to get back on the wagon…or off, not really sure how that works, it’s my first experience with addiction (unless you count video games and alcohol). Maybe we should call it back on the apple wagon, hell maybe that’s where it comes from?!

Two apples for breakfast got me back on track and then five more throughout the day got me within reach of my goal of 30. Four day total was now up to 23 and I was feeling a little more confident about my progress, then I found out that the other two challengers finished the challenge that day. My dreams of becoming the apple champ were crushed. Where was I to find the motivation to continue on?!

As a great man once said, “Sometimes you have to complete your journey even if you’re the only idiot that cares that you did it.”

That great man was me, I’m fantastic at self motivation.

Day 5

I awoke to my alarm and I kid you not the song that was playing was “Eye of The Tiger!” Nah, that’s a lie. It was actually just the buzzer that’s super annoying and I really had to use the bathroom so I had actually been up for hours by the time that went off. But the stage was set, seven apples to go and besides the early morning trip to the loo I was feeling pretty good about my chances.

Two for breakfast…five to go.

Two for lunch…three to go.

Then we got busy with camping, tubing, etc…

My next apple didn’t come until about 10:30 at night, but we still had to shut off some radios in the campground and double check to see if anyone needed anything else before we took off for the night, but it turns out people don’t tend to really think you care if you’re eating an apple the whole time you’re talking to them.

10:45 – Two apples to go.

11:15 – One apple to go…

11:35 – Surprisingly the last apple was not a challenge at all. The worst part by far was eating the seeds, stem, and whatever that thing is on the bottom of the apple is called. Our buddy had been posting stuff all week about how the seeds contain arsenic and that eating enough of them will certainly kill you, so when I was eating them I found myself wondering…was it worth it?!

I had done it. 30 apples in five days with two days to spare, which I set aside for getting my colon cleansed. Just kidding, that sucker was pretty cleaned out after this whole experiment!

I had completed the dare, but had come in last so what did I win? Respect. Oh, you say that you actually kind of respect me a little less now? Well I guess I got to eat a bunch of apples then. Wait, I can’t count that because I had to pay for all of them? Well, I guess if you’re reading this, then you can say that I’m no longer starving at least…

Update:

I’m officially entering myself into rehab as I cannot get through a day without craving an apple. One of us is homeless now as he has been attempting to support his apple addiction and word on the street is that he has been pulling a DiCaprio circa Basketball Diaries just to get his fix. The winner of the competition has moved to Florida to live amongst the “Apple People.”

Talk about Life Lessons.

How do you like them apples!?

For those of you who are not aware of what this week’s topic is about, here are the details:

Challenge:  eat 30 apples in 7 days or less, including one apple core

Reason:  To prove to my wife (and others) that when I say I am going to do something, 97.3% of the time I am going to do it.... probably.  Also, now my friend Ryan has to eat an entire lemon (skin, seeds... everything) in accordance with a dare/bet.

Result: I ate 30 apples in 4 days, including one complete apple core

Speed Bumps/Setbacks: I bit my tongue pretty bad on the first day, and had to wait for it to stop bleeding before I could continue.  Eating 30 apple skins worth of fiber does not agree with your body.  Apples are NOT free, this dare cost me about $23, which I have not yet justified to myself as “worth it.”  My daily routines also had to change so that they would not interfere with my apple eating…. so less exercise and more apples basically!

Some people told me it was impossible to eat 30 apples in a week and some people just told me that it was stupid either way.  Well, in response to that I must quote the great Muhammad Ali, who once said:

"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing."

Eating a bunch of apples in 4 days doesn’t really change the world or get me in a record book, but I did challenge myself and surprisingly finish my goal with 3 days to spare. And even if the goal was stupid to begin with, at least I know I can still surprise myself.  Just think…when is the last time you decided to do something that was a little stupid, crazy or seemingly impossible to test yourself?  Or when is the last time you took up someone on a “dare”… 5^th grade?  As long as it’s within reason, you really should try it more often.  Life gets stale in the monotony of daily routines and schedules, and sometimes you have to break the cycle and try something different.  Or sometimes all it takes is someone else’s disbelief in your ability to do something… leaving you with something to prove.

           

            The 30 apples dare is something of a joke that got blown further and further out of proportion.  But even as I sat in my cubicle eating what must have seemed like a continuous supply of apples in front of my coworkers, I was a surprised at how many of them thought I was literally off medication or something.  Is it really that dumb for someone to want to try something different?  I mean an apple is mostly water (about 80% says a non-credible online source), so you can’t fill up on them too easily.  The skins were the tough part for me… it felt like endless chewing and the more I ate the less I wanted to continue.  So I guess it really just comes down to will power and determination to do it.  I wanted to stop after the first day cause I thought it wasen't worth the trouble, (and because I bit a big hole in my tongue), but then another side of me just wanted to see if I could do it… so I kept going.  I ate 18 golden delicious apples and 12 red delicious apples.  I would have preferred to eat all golden delicious, but it was hard to find that many apples in the grocery stores near me that were ripe or that looked good enough to eat.  But the weird thing is, even after I ate all 30 apples (and 1 apple core) I still thought to myself… “I could probably eat another 20 apples in the next 3 days and make it a solid 50 for the week."  But I quickly shut down that idea and deemed it a side effect from the Arsenic in the apples seeds.  I decided to call it good at 30. 

           

            So now here I am… the 30 apple champ…and what do I have to show for it?   Nothing really, but at least I get to watch my buddy Ryan eat an entire lemon… I am looking forward to that (a video will be posted eventually).  And just to prove to Ryan that I did eat an entire apple core… my wife was kind enough to provide the video evidence below.

I welcome any of you out there who read this article to try the 30 apple challenge… I did it in 4 days, but I think it could be done in 2 or 3 pretty easily.  Let us know if you set a new Banana Daiquiris and Life Lessons Apple Record!  If you do, you should be awarded a fruit basket for your accomplishment… mostly containing apples!  J

I promise my next blog will be better, and will continue to promise this at the conclusion of every blog!

Facebook (FB for the finance majors)

As my other colleagues have stated, it is a great website to keep in touch with friends, family, and the celebrities that you are stalking. I would go into the positives, but the other bloggers took care of that for me. So I will tackle the negatives and the ones that just annoy me.

UPDATES

Who doesn’t want to know what is going on with everyone every minute of the day? How great one’s relationship is one minute and how it ended the next?  The love that someone has for another and then the pure hatred for them the next second? These constant updates are made possible via Facebook’s stalker feed and by whiny people everywhere, who have no life…or should I say, people who think they have the greatest life ever that everyone on Earth wants to hear about it every second of every day... Oh, and gotta love updates on what others are cooking, what they’re eating, or how they’re processing it!

PICTURES

The greatest part of Facebook is the pictures. We can see what people are wearing out and about that night, watch the progression of people getting drunk….drunker………and drunkest. (More to come on this topic.) We can see what people are eating, where they are eating, and how much they ate. We also get to see peoples’ new outfits, which usually come about by them snapping a picture of themselves in the bathroom mirror. For the lady, it’s usually something revealing and she’s waiting for loads of comments. For the man, well, it’s the same. Turns out Facebook is a great way to sell sex and food…which brings me back to college. I graduated with a four year degree in Business and had to take many courses in marketing. I spent a lot of money just to learn the simple truth that sex and food sell.  Damn you, Facebook – If only I would have spent more time on you, I would have saved tons of money. 

Perhaps I should separate my friends into groups – close friends, family, old friends, people I don’t talk to, pregnant people, people I drink with, and people I would just feel bad for deleting. That way, when I log in, I don’t have to see all of these updates from people that I really don’t wanna hear from. You see that your news feed is full of nothing but nonsense, and then you realize that all of the updates are from the same person…  “Love falling asleep to the rain,” “How could he say that?” Statuses with music lyrics…and some more music lyrics, “OH, how I love him/her,” “How I hate him/her,” more music lyrics, “I am going to sleep,” “Today was the worst day ever” (with an obvious undertone of a desperate search for pity), and finally, more music lyrics. 

Having a baby is a beautiful thing and it truly is a miracle every time. With that being said, pictures of baby bumps, ultra-sounds, and naked babies should be kept within the family.  A stranger does not need to see the status of your baby from ultra-sound to birth. I’m surprised I haven’t seen pictures of the crowning and after-birth yet. Maybe that’s coming soon. Perhaps I should start a new trend…mmm, warm after-birth…

By the way…

Two Months

Four Months

Six Months

Nine Months

I’m drunk...And by “months,” I mean beers.