Things I Have Learned

     1. Video games are awesome, but video game systems can drive you nuts

a.       NES – if you don’t know what that is you are too young, but wasn’t it annoying to insert a game, take out the game, blow into the system then blow into the game, then try to play again.

b.      N64 – now we're talking Mario in 3D whoop whoop, but what do they do, take away internal memory so you can never turn off the system unless you beg for a memory card

c.       Sega Genesis – no one knows if this had problems cause no one bought one

d.      PlayStation – finally no cartridges but now discs. Yep discs are the future, that tend to get scratched easily and when you finally reach the last level the disc stops working

e.      PlayStation 3 – everything you want in a system; gaming, internet, blue ray, 3D, motion activated, the future.. Never get to play though because it is always updating.

f.        PlayStation 4 – the new new future, but no games for it yet.

      

2. TV Guide on your TV is awesome but lies

a.       This is sweet cause you can channel surf without changing the channel (genius), maybe find a movie or a sporting event you wanna watch. But what TV guide doesn’t tell you is, whatever channel you decide to go to, you are going to have to watch commercials first. Try it I dare you, 7 out of 6 times you’re watching a commercial first (its science)

      

3. Duke is still better than UNC

 

                        a.    Can’t argue with that

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4. You eat more pizza when it is in squares

a.       You don’t believe me, go to Duane’s house of pizza in Fargo/Moorhead and order a pizza, keep track of how many pieces you eat.  You will than realize you ate 3 whole pizzas

  

5. Comedy, Laughter, Humor

a.       These are the best things in life

b.      2 men walked into a bar, 3^rd one ducked…. You're welcome

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6. You don’t know disappointment

a.       Unless you’re a Vikings fan

b.      Unless you stayed up super late cause you figured school would be canceled and it wasn’t

c.       Unless you are craving a mountain dew and you open the fridge and your roommate drank the last one

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7. Men are insane, woman are insaner

a.       Men will do something extremely stupid once, and probably end up doing it again. (drinking themselves into a coma)

b.      Women will try doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. (“will you pick your underwear up off the floor”) 

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8. Toys have too many batteries

a.       Every toy a child has today has a battery

b.      I had a ball, a matchbox car, and a spoon (so I could dig holes in the sandbox) – my childhood was awesome

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9. Everybody wins these days

a.       Who the heck thought of this, you enter a competition and you get a trophy if your 1^st or 101^st.

b.      When I lost, I went home pissed and figured I better work harder, try harder, and I will win next time.

c.       Now a days you can just show up and collect a trophy

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10. "Selfie"

a.       Who, What, Where, When, And WHY…

b.      Someone write me a term paper on how the selfie started

c.       This has to be the beginning of the end, why are we snapping a picture of ourselves to post on social media.. Oh look I'm at Mount Rushmore…mmmmh really looks like you and some rocks in the background I can’t see anything else.

d.      Hold on I have to take a selfie #hashtag#

US Border Control: Canada

Perhaps you have noticed a Manitoba license plate on a vehicle in North Dakota or Minnesota recently? Perhaps the reason you noticed this was because the vehicle with that license plate just did one of the following:

1)    Cut you off because they thought a regular lane was a turning lane.

2)    Was driving either 10 mph too slow or 10 mph too fast, but seemingly avoided settling within the actual speed limit either way.

3)    Was driving the wrong way down a “One Way” street, and then honking at you for not doing the same.

4)    Parked their vehicle over 2 spots in the parking lot… and one of them was a handicap spot.

5)    And pretty much any other irritating reason that would lead you to check another vehicles license plate… I really can’t sit here and list every personal situation I have had with Canadian drivers… I have a job.

The point is though, Canadians are invading our country at an alarming rate and their stupidity is beginning to piss me off.  I know that when it comes to driving, plenty of US citizens need to have their rights taken away… but most Canadian drivers are just terrible regardless of age or gender.



Manatoba driver parks at the Fargo Target... and there were plenty of open spots.



And it doesn’t stop at just their driving habits either… sometimes they are just as dangerous on foot!  Today I was waiting for 10 minutes behind a Canadian at a convenient store because he didn’t have American money and I wanted to scream at them.. “No you cannot pay in Canadian currency… I don’t care if it’s worth the same as 1.0054 US Dollars… This is America, and in America we use dolla’ dolla’ bills ya’ll!”  It’s bad enough that I get a Canadian quarter intermingled in with my US coins from time to time.  You can’t use that crap in a vending machine, yet they still get circulated around somehow… and I really needed that Snickers!  Can’t you tell!?

Other Canadian disappointments include but are not limited to:

1)    Justin Morneau - (I love the Twins, but I would have personally traded Morneau before I would have traded Kubel)

2)    Celine Dion - (If you are a fan, then don’t talk to me… EVER!)

3)    Justin Bieber - (I bet you didn’t even know that he was Canadian did you!)

4)    Howie Mandel – (You tell me how else 72% of the “Deal -or- No Deal” winners were Canadians!... according a statistic that I just made up.  Either way, no one really likes him.)

5)    Again… I could go on forever.

However, I do not hate all Canadians.  Approximately 1 out of every 300 Canadians are exempt from the generalizations listed above.  So I leave you with this parting advice:  “Don’t judge a Canadian until you actually get to know them as individuals.  But understad that no matter how well you get to know them… you can never truly trust any of them.”

(Cue in the music “Born in the USA” by the BOSS!)