Superheroes

Growing up, superheroes weren’t just people we looked up to, they were opportunities to become more than we were. Tossing on the Batman PJs to play hide-and-go-seek – BOOM, no one can find the greatest detective, besides the greatest detective himself. Then you get that Superman cape for Christmas – OMG, life has changed! Until you put it on and fall off the garage and realize that you’re not the Man of Steel, but you are the son of the Flash. I couldn’t believe how quickly my parents got to me and took me to the hospital.

-Life Lessons: PJS with a bright yellow Batman symbol aren’t great for hide-and-go-seek. A Superman cape does not help you fly. Parents can move really fast when they’re scared as shit.

I practiced being the Flash for many years in athletics. In football, I mostly ran my mouth super-fast and loud. I may have been the last person on the pile, but I was the first to start talking trash. In basketball, I certainly wasn’t the most talented, but I could usually out-run someone…just couldn’t always stop. I ran into many walls, benches, and crowds.

-Life Lessons: Running your mouth on the field is fun. Having to catch a ball going across the middle of the field is not...especially when meeting Ray Lewis there. Being fast on the court is awesome, but if you don’t look where you’re running, you learn pretty quickly that walls don’t budge. (On a side-note, what’s with men and walls?)

Then you marry Wonder Woman. She has the power to withstand heat, which is great, because supper doesn’t cook itself. She also has the Lasso of Truth. She will use this when asking, “Does this outfit look good?” Doesn’t matter what you say – you will be wrong.

-Life Lessons: Realization that Wonder Woman has the power of Wisdom and yes, she is smarter than you. And looks good in tights.

As we get older, do these superheroes go away? Oh no, they stay with us and mold into one. I can’t even begin to count how many times I have been called Iron Man while I finish the laundry…or Aquaman while I’m taking a shower. And, oh boy, do I feel like Superman while I am driving down the road with my mattress strapped to the roof of my car and my left hand out the window holding it down. “I got this, I got this.”

-Life Lesson: Invest in a nice strap to hold down that mattress…or get All-State insurance to protect you from mayhem like me.