Apples or O-Rings?

The Dare: Eat 30 Apples in One Week...or was it Get a New O-Ring? Can’t seem to remember.

I know this is a highly anticipated blog, not only from all of our followers, but from the other bloggers as well. I know this, because I get a text, a phone call, a fax, a facebook message, a tweet, or a post on the wall daily. Heck, a pigeon even landed on my window the other day. Beep beep beeeeep beep beep beep be be be beep bee beeeep beep beeeeep - that was Morse Code for hurry up and get your blog done (the PG version, anyway).  Yea, the fellow bloggers are pretty serious.  Since it took so long to get the blog posted, I have to walk to the tee box with my pants down. I guess I was "too lazy" to get the blog done. (If by lazy, they mean I bought a house, went to DC, moved in, painted every wall in the place, and still planning some remodeling). But, now the blog is here.

Back to the dare. So, 30 apples in one week. Eating the apples, I must say, was not the hardest part. The hardest part was finding the time to work, eat apples, have a bowel movement, and get to the grocery store to buy more apples...oh, and find some more time for another bowel movement. I also had to do this challenge in five days, not seven. Follow along to see if I completed this challenge.

Day 1

Monday – I go to work as usual and everything is fine and dandy. Around noon, I took my lunch break and went to the grocery store to pick up some apples to leave in our break room. I picked up a bag of nine green apples. I don’t know names of apples so we will just call them green ones. Anyway, back to the day - So, I return to work with a bag of apples. My manager says, “What’s with all the apples?” I reply with, “We have an apple eating contest to see if we can eat 30 apples in a week.” Most managers would probably think that this is really stupid. Well, mine says, “Alright then, let me know how it goes.”

So the bag had nine apples. I tackled four in one hour, then had two bowel movements within the next hour. I finished three and a half within the next hour and I was interrupted by a customer at 4:30, so I put half of my apple down. How rude of someone to come in and sit down to talk shop when they can clearly see I am busy - busy eating an apple and possibly turning green. To finish my work day, I finished the last few bites of my now brown apple to make sure I finished eight for the day. I then ran upstairs for my final bowel movement of the work day. So, in case you weren't already keeping track, apples to bowel movements are 8:3.

Break down of the day:

          - 12:00pm - 1:00pm: Lunch, bought apples

          - 1:00pm - 2:00pm: Ate 4 apples

          - 2:00pm - 3:00pm: 2 bowel movements

          - 3:00pm - 4:30pm: Ate 3.5 apples

          - 5:00pm: Ate .5 apples and had one bowel          

            movement

Total for the week = 8 Apples

Day 2

Tuesday - After a strong start to the challenge, this day took a turn. I did not sleep well the night before due to an upset stomach. The bowels weren’t going so well either - I’m just going to say it. I was a bit plugged up. But, I had to push on. So, I went and grabbed my last apple out of the bag and finished it. Felt good - back on the wagon and motivated to continue. I waited for lunch to pick up another bag of apples. Lunch came, and that’s what I did.  Another nine apples to finish for the day. I knew I needed to average about eight a day to be done by Thursday. This day was a failure. Out of the nine new apples, I finished three. This would only lead to trouble the rest of the week. Apples to Bowels ratio for the day was 3:0.

Break down of the day: 

           - 8:30am - Ate 1 apple

           - 12:00pm - Bought new apples

           - 2:00pm - 3:00pm: Ate 2 apples

Total for the week = 11 Apples

Day 3: DOOMS DAY

Wednesday - Still plugged. I have to finish 11 apples to get back on track to finish on Thursday. The day started with a company meeting and me eating apples during the meeting. I don’t know if you know this, but apples are kind of loud and there is never a garbage near you when you finish your apple. I mean never. Try it next time - eat an apple, finish it, then look around. Yep, you got it, no garbage. “Where’s the garbage?" Anyway, back to the meeting. So, I finished two apples and three cups of coffee. Yep, great idea during the meeting. Well, the stomach started to turn and I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it back from the meeting site to my office, so I stopped at a gas station to use the restroom. Went in and took a seat. Nothing. I sat there for another minute or so and remembered some great words. “If you're not going to shit, get off the pot,” so that’s what I did. My stomach started to feel better, so I continued to eat apples. I was able to put down 13 apples this day before heading home and had zero bowel movements. 13:0 ratio.

Break down of the day:

           - 7:30am - 9:00am: Ate 2 apples

           - 10:00am - 12:00pm: Ate 4 apples       

           - 12:00pm - 3:00pm: Ate 6 apples

           - 3:00pm - 5:00pm: Ate 1 apple

Total for the week = 24 Apples

This evening was the worst. I finished 13 apples, had five cups of coffee total for the day and then decided to go eat at a Chinese buffet. Yea, I have a tattoo that says "Idiot" right on my rear end. Anyway, I finished my meal and headed home. I am still plugged up from the apples, but have Chinese gas powered food behind it marching away at 100 mph. I really had no chance. I got home at about 6:00pm and left the bathroom around 8:30pm. Two days worth of relief going on in there. It was brutal. So, new ratio of 13:9. (It was worth a 9).

Day 4

Thursday - Six apples to go. I was so looking forward to being regular again. I thought I would pace myself this day - not because my stomach was twisted a bit (it was), but because my rear end hurt so bad that walking was a challenge in itself. By noon, I had one apple down but it took me almost a whole hour to finish it. After 2:00pm, I finished two more. Then it came - My stomach said, "Hey, you have an appointment. Now seems like a good time to kick in." Unfortunately, I was with a customer. As I started to talk faster to the customer, I realized that this was going to be a photo finish. I finished with the customer, walked them out of my office, and turned for the stairs. I made it to the third stair, and the customers says, “Hey, quick question.” Damn, I was so close. Everything went blurry. I can’t tell you what the customer said or what I said. I think I might have even spoke in Latin. I didn’t wait for a response and went straight to the bathroom. BOOM - made it. It was close. I then grabbed one more apple for the road. I was able to put down four apples and one had one bowel movement for the day. 4:1 ratio.

Break down of the day:

           - 10:00am - 12:00pm: Ate 1 apple       

           - 2:00pm - 4:30pm: Ate 2 apples

           - 3:00pm - 3:30pm: Bowel movement

           - 5:15pm: Ate 1 apple

Total for the week = 28 Apples

Day 5

Friday - I didn’t finish the 30 by Thursday as I planned. But 28 wasn't too bad and only having to eat two this day would be do-able. I stopped at the gas station to pick up my last two green apples. I finished the first one before work and felt pretty darn good. Lunch came around, and I finished my second. Done. Victory. Relief. Satisfaction. It felt good to say I completed the 30 apples in a week. I had one bowel movement, but wasn’t bad at all, so that was nice. So, I finished two apples and had one bowel movement. 2:1 ratio.

Break down of the day:

           - 8:30am: Ate 1 apple

           - 10:00am: Bowel movement

           - Noon: Ate 1 apple - VICTORY!

Total for the week = 30 Apples 

Final ratio 30:14

I did not eat the whole core, like my other colleagues, but I had a rough go around with this and felt like I didn’t need to challenge myself anymore. I may also want to mention that I was homeless during this whole process, so finding restrooms was a bit difficult. I also apologize to the kind friends that let me stay at their place. Thank You!

*Warning* Eating 30 apples in one week may sound like a good idea, but it is expensive and tough on the stomach and rear end. Average price of a bag of apples is $6, average price of toilet paper is 62 cents per roll of toilet paper, price of baby powder is $3, and price of baby wiped is $15 dollars. Bringing my total to around fifty dollars. Wow. What a guy pays for pain!

PS, I lied. I never bought baby wipes or powder. However, I thought about it a lot though. It probably would have been a good idea. So, all in all, I still probably spent about 25 dollars. I hope this blog painted a nice little picture for you.

Thanks for your time. I gotta run upstairs…

Daiquiris, Dares, and Diapers

Greetings! Well, here I am. First day as a “guest blogger” and I sort of feel like it’s the first day of school. The good news is this is the blogosphere and none of you know that I’m sitting in my pj’s and pretty much look like I rolled out of a dumpster. (Er, well I guess now you know…) Either way this is definitely not one of those “what are you wearing?” smutty posts. So get your mind out of the gutter!

A regular follower of BD&LL (yea, that’s how the cool kids are referring to it) I was pretty pumped to have the opportunity to contribute. I mean, the blog even has its own Twitter handle. That usually equals B.F.D. in my book. (If you don’t know what BFD stands for, you probably don’t have a Twitter account. Just sayin'.) 

I digress…

I was told that the topics as of late have been dare related. (30 apples in a week? Um, no thanks!) And boy do I have a dare for y’all! Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Take care of a 2 year old and a 1 month old. Not so tough you say? Well then I double dog dare you to do this while hungover. Yea, you heard me. (And yes, I did throw a double dog dare out there. Bam!)

Perhaps I should give a little background to my dare. My husband, let’s call him “Manny” (very Maury Povich of me, eh?) and I used to be cool. And by cool I mean party crashin’, keg stand dominatin’, bad ass awesome. (In a white bread sorta way.) That was pre-kids. Now, we get excited to leave the house kid-less. Even if that means going to Menards. Lame city.

SIDE NOTE: Ok, here is the part where I must insert that the kids are totally worth it all. You know, with their sticky fingers, high pitched squeals, and all that other crap that parents say when they’re talking about the ups and downs of parenting. (To me, the real question is why do parents always feel the need to insert that “they’re worth it” line? I mean, we sort of all know that right?) Anyhoo, I don’t want you to think I’ve got ice running through my viens. So now that that part is out of the way… back to the hangover.

This past Saturday Manny and I found ourselves out and about kid-free. When my parents offered to take #1 AND #2 you could see the rubber burning as we sped out of their driveway after dropping them off. We were free! We dipped back into our “glory days” by stopping at a local establishment for some adult beverages. That’s right people, we were in a bar. (A no-kid zone, unless you’re somewhere in the Appalachians.)

After a number of beverages I could be found fist-pumping on the dance floor. The old me was back! Cut forward about 4 hours later. Up with #2 to change poopy pants and feed the kid a bottle. After that fun I laid back down for what I thought would be another hour or two of sleep. ERRR! (That’s a buzzer sound, BTW.) My eyes just closed and #1 was up. I’m telling you, I used to party well past the time these kiddos get up in the morning. (Thankfully “Manny” pulled my fist-pumping ass off the dance floor before the bar even closed and made me go home. Thanks Manny!)

Naps don’t really exist when you have kids. That is, unless, you’re the kid. Thankfully we were at grandma and grandpa’s house so Manny and I were able to get a little bit more sleep than we would have gotten had we been at home. (Grandparents rock!)

Me and #1 during my post-fist pump nap.

Whether you have kids or not, please heed my warning. Hangovers and kids do not mix. At all. That next song on the jukebox or the next drink may seem like a good idea at the time, but trust me, it is not worth it! (It’s really, really not worth it when you factor in dirty diapers and your gag reflex!!)

So do me a favor. If you see what appear to be parents of young children out for a night on the town, remind them (myself included) that they will probably have to be up in a few hours. Or, at the very least, buy them a drink and daydream about yourself sleeping in. Your hangover will probably be nonexistent in the morning.

30 Apples Up on Top!

It’s been a while since I took to the net to get my random thoughts and opinions into all of your heads, and that’s mostly because I’ve been in a sick bed recovering from an over exposure to apples. Turns out 30 apples in a week may just be too much fiber…

The first blog was extremely well organized with the exact stats, and had a real nice breakdown of how exactly everything went during the dare, I am not exactly that organized though so I’ll see what I can do with this.

Day 1

I began my morning with two apples, than continued to munch on them as the day went on finishing my day at 8 apples. At the beginning and end of the day I posted what I was doing and the total I was at that night onto Facebook as I am constantly starving for attention. I also spent a lot of my night in the bathroom…

Day 2

I started my day the same way, two apples for breakfast and then munched throughout the day whenever I had an opportunity. I finished once again with 8 more apples, bringing my two-day total to 16 apples. When my brother got home from coaching at a local basketball camp he told me that at least ten people had come up to him wondering about the apple challenge, I wasn’t quite full but my attention fix was starting to be satisfied.

I also went the entire day without using the bathroom, which seemed awfully strange to me since I think I was totally exceeding my recommended daily amount of fiber…

Day 3

Day 3 was not a great day for me. I woke up in the morning with my stomach in absolute knots. It felt like I had eaten an entire Apple tree and it was desperate to get out. This morning I had no trouble at all in the lavoratory…

I was definitely sick. The thought of apples made me sick, seeing them made me feel terrible and when people asked me about them I kind of wanted to punch them in the face…apparently I had brought it on myself though, or so the people I threatened told me.

The roughest day I had had in months resulted in me eating no apples and thinking that this was a challenge I simply was not going to be able to complete. I wasn’t too proud of my day so there were no posts on Facebook or twitter. I was kind of hoping that everyone would just forget about the whole thing.

Day 4

I woke up and went on Facebook to update our company page and then checked my Facebook where one of my friends had posted that she had eaten an apple at the Bonnaroo Music Festival and had thought of me…ego stoked. It was time to get back on the wagon…or off, not really sure how that works, it’s my first experience with addiction (unless you count video games and alcohol). Maybe we should call it back on the apple wagon, hell maybe that’s where it comes from?!

Two apples for breakfast got me back on track and then five more throughout the day got me within reach of my goal of 30. Four day total was now up to 23 and I was feeling a little more confident about my progress, then I found out that the other two challengers finished the challenge that day. My dreams of becoming the apple champ were crushed. Where was I to find the motivation to continue on?!

As a great man once said, “Sometimes you have to complete your journey even if you’re the only idiot that cares that you did it.”

That great man was me, I’m fantastic at self motivation.

Day 5

I awoke to my alarm and I kid you not the song that was playing was “Eye of The Tiger!” Nah, that’s a lie. It was actually just the buzzer that’s super annoying and I really had to use the bathroom so I had actually been up for hours by the time that went off. But the stage was set, seven apples to go and besides the early morning trip to the loo I was feeling pretty good about my chances.

Two for breakfast…five to go.

Two for lunch…three to go.

Then we got busy with camping, tubing, etc…

My next apple didn’t come until about 10:30 at night, but we still had to shut off some radios in the campground and double check to see if anyone needed anything else before we took off for the night, but it turns out people don’t tend to really think you care if you’re eating an apple the whole time you’re talking to them.

10:45 – Two apples to go.

11:15 – One apple to go…

11:35 – Surprisingly the last apple was not a challenge at all. The worst part by far was eating the seeds, stem, and whatever that thing is on the bottom of the apple is called. Our buddy had been posting stuff all week about how the seeds contain arsenic and that eating enough of them will certainly kill you, so when I was eating them I found myself wondering…was it worth it?!

I had done it. 30 apples in five days with two days to spare, which I set aside for getting my colon cleansed. Just kidding, that sucker was pretty cleaned out after this whole experiment!

I had completed the dare, but had come in last so what did I win? Respect. Oh, you say that you actually kind of respect me a little less now? Well I guess I got to eat a bunch of apples then. Wait, I can’t count that because I had to pay for all of them? Well, I guess if you’re reading this, then you can say that I’m no longer starving at least…

Update:

I’m officially entering myself into rehab as I cannot get through a day without craving an apple. One of us is homeless now as he has been attempting to support his apple addiction and word on the street is that he has been pulling a DiCaprio circa Basketball Diaries just to get his fix. The winner of the competition has moved to Florida to live amongst the “Apple People.”

Talk about Life Lessons.

How do you like them apples!?

For those of you who are not aware of what this week’s topic is about, here are the details:

Challenge:  eat 30 apples in 7 days or less, including one apple core

Reason:  To prove to my wife (and others) that when I say I am going to do something, 97.3% of the time I am going to do it.... probably.  Also, now my friend Ryan has to eat an entire lemon (skin, seeds... everything) in accordance with a dare/bet.

Result: I ate 30 apples in 4 days, including one complete apple core

Speed Bumps/Setbacks: I bit my tongue pretty bad on the first day, and had to wait for it to stop bleeding before I could continue.  Eating 30 apple skins worth of fiber does not agree with your body.  Apples are NOT free, this dare cost me about $23, which I have not yet justified to myself as “worth it.”  My daily routines also had to change so that they would not interfere with my apple eating…. so less exercise and more apples basically!

Some people told me it was impossible to eat 30 apples in a week and some people just told me that it was stupid either way.  Well, in response to that I must quote the great Muhammad Ali, who once said:

"Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing."

Eating a bunch of apples in 4 days doesn’t really change the world or get me in a record book, but I did challenge myself and surprisingly finish my goal with 3 days to spare. And even if the goal was stupid to begin with, at least I know I can still surprise myself.  Just think…when is the last time you decided to do something that was a little stupid, crazy or seemingly impossible to test yourself?  Or when is the last time you took up someone on a “dare”… 5^th grade?  As long as it’s within reason, you really should try it more often.  Life gets stale in the monotony of daily routines and schedules, and sometimes you have to break the cycle and try something different.  Or sometimes all it takes is someone else’s disbelief in your ability to do something… leaving you with something to prove.

           

            The 30 apples dare is something of a joke that got blown further and further out of proportion.  But even as I sat in my cubicle eating what must have seemed like a continuous supply of apples in front of my coworkers, I was a surprised at how many of them thought I was literally off medication or something.  Is it really that dumb for someone to want to try something different?  I mean an apple is mostly water (about 80% says a non-credible online source), so you can’t fill up on them too easily.  The skins were the tough part for me… it felt like endless chewing and the more I ate the less I wanted to continue.  So I guess it really just comes down to will power and determination to do it.  I wanted to stop after the first day cause I thought it wasen't worth the trouble, (and because I bit a big hole in my tongue), but then another side of me just wanted to see if I could do it… so I kept going.  I ate 18 golden delicious apples and 12 red delicious apples.  I would have preferred to eat all golden delicious, but it was hard to find that many apples in the grocery stores near me that were ripe or that looked good enough to eat.  But the weird thing is, even after I ate all 30 apples (and 1 apple core) I still thought to myself… “I could probably eat another 20 apples in the next 3 days and make it a solid 50 for the week."  But I quickly shut down that idea and deemed it a side effect from the Arsenic in the apples seeds.  I decided to call it good at 30. 

           

            So now here I am… the 30 apple champ…and what do I have to show for it?   Nothing really, but at least I get to watch my buddy Ryan eat an entire lemon… I am looking forward to that (a video will be posted eventually).  And just to prove to Ryan that I did eat an entire apple core… my wife was kind enough to provide the video evidence below.

I welcome any of you out there who read this article to try the 30 apple challenge… I did it in 4 days, but I think it could be done in 2 or 3 pretty easily.  Let us know if you set a new Banana Daiquiris and Life Lessons Apple Record!  If you do, you should be awarded a fruit basket for your accomplishment… mostly containing apples!  J

I promise my next blog will be better, and will continue to promise this at the conclusion of every blog!